According to Funk Podcast & Blog

Silent Silence 004 DARVO Communication Pattern

Format	size	Download
MP3 Audio	11 MB	Download
AAC m4a	6 MB	Download

transcript
00:00 - 0:00:24 [Music]
0:00:24 – 0:00:27 Hello and welcome to a new edition
0:00:24 – 0:00:32 The quiet silence. I'm Sascha Markmann and I say hello. This podcast format is
0:00:32 – 0:00:44 Yes, psychological issues. It is about behaviors, obsessive-compulsive thoughts, obsessive-compulsive disorders,
0:00:44 – 0:00:56 Borderline narcissists and everything else. Today we want a communication tactic,
0:00:56 – 0:01:09 which is often used in the narcissistic environment or in borderliners, in order to act as a perpetrator of
0:01:09 – 0:01:23 Yes, distract. This is the so-called "Dare for" technique, a communication mechanism.
0:01:23 – 0:01:36 It means denying "denial", attacking "attack" and "reverse" "victim offender".
0:01:36 – 0:01:43 These are the perpetrator-victim reversals.
0:01:43 – 0:01:59 It was created by psychologist Jennifer Floyd. It is almost the guide,
0:01:59 – 0:02:12 how to recognize such communication patterns. And it's a guide to how to recur
0:02:12 – 0:02:24 Patterns that people deal with accusations or criticism when they don't engage in their own behavior
0:02:24 – 0:02:35 You can or want to acknowledge. The first thing we would deny is D-Nay. The mechanism behind it is,
0:02:35 – 0:02:41 Criticism or accusations are categorically rejected. There is no content
0:02:41 – 0:02:50 Controversy instead, but a global "everything is lied to, none of it is true" – psychological
0:02:50 – 0:02:59 a defensive strategy based on the reduction of self-reflection. The technical term for this is
0:02:59 – 0:03:10 The mechanism of denial. The effect of this is as follows. The other person is unsettled,
0:03:10 – 0:03:16 The basis of the discussion is disputed. Outsiders can falter,
0:03:16 – 0:03:24 If she says so clearly, that's all wrong. Maybe there's really nothing wrong with it.
0:03:24 – 0:03:32 For example, this is all freely invented. I have nothing to do with all this stuff.
0:03:32 – 0:03:44 The second phase is attack, the attack, the mechanism behind it. After the deniers
0:03:44 – 0:03:51 Attention is actively directed outwards. Instead of defending themselves, the person
0:03:51 – 0:03:58 critics. Typical means are insult, insinuation, job-damaging claims.
0:03:58 – 0:04:05 Psychologically speaking, this is where projective mechanisms work.
0:04:05 – 0:04:14 Internal insecurities are shifted outwards and others are pushed back.
0:04:14 – 0:04:23 Technical terms such as "ad homine" – attack against the person, not against the thing, i.e. against the
0:04:23 – 0:04:35 utterance, projection or projective externalization. Feelings of guilt are shifted to the outside world.
0:04:35 – 0:04:45 The effect, the discussion shifts from the accusation to the defense of the critics.
0:04:45 – 0:04:58 Emotional escalation is attacked, often reacts with anger, apparently confirming the presentation.
0:04:58 – 0:05:07 An example, your podcast is junk, you're just bubbling and you're living
0:05:07 – 0:05:19 of social fraud. The third phase would be the reverse victim opener, the victim-offender reversal.
0:05:19 – 0:05:26 The mechanism behind this is, after denial and attack, the decisive turn follows.
0:05:26 – 0:05:35 The attacker frames himself or "framed", as they say today, himself as a victim. The
0:05:35 – 0:05:45 Critics as perpetrators. Psychologically, this is a form of cognitive dissonance reduction.
0:05:45 – 0:05:54 One's own aggressive behavior does not fit into one's self-image, so it is reinterpreted.
0:05:54 – 0:06:07 Technical terms in this area victim-offender reversal, English "victim-blaming-reversal", partly
0:06:07 – 0:06:17 Also described as "gaze-lighting-light" because the perception of third parties is distorted.
0:06:17 – 0:06:27 The effect. Outsiders are confused. Who is attacking whom here? They can be sympathetic
0:06:27 – 0:06:36 tilting. People tend to protect the victim. The actual conflict is obscured,
0:06:36 – 0:06:44 responsibility is blurred. An example. I'm the one who bullies here all the time
0:06:44 – 0:06:56 will. They are obsessed with me and report me everywhere. Why is it tactics,
0:06:56 – 0:07:05 Is the communication pattern so effective? Firstly, it is the speed. The sequence often comes
0:07:05 – 0:07:13 Within a few seconds or hours if it's an internet post. Observe
0:07:13 – 0:07:22 - Consumers are surprised - emotional dynamics, denial, anger, victim role
0:07:22 – 0:07:26 create a roller coaster that triggers strong reactions
0:07:26 – 0:07:33 - Narrative control - Whoever uses this communication pattern has
0:07:33 – 0:07:39 short-term meaninglessness, because he plays attacker and victim at the same time
0:07:39 – 0:07:49 Audience effect. Especially on social media, the Davor technique amplifies its effect,
0:07:49 – 0:07:55 Because outsiders often only see fragments and the victim role is stuck at the end.
0:07:55 – 0:08:07 I would definitely like to thank you for your listening and your keen interest in this format. me
0:08:07 – 0:08:14 I hope I've been able to teach you something new and I'd love to see you next.
0:08:14 – 0:08:23 Turn it on if you want to hear about psychological issues.
0:08:23 – 0:08:27 Until then, I say goodbye, your Sasha.
0:08:27 – 0:08:30 [Music]
0:08:30 – 0:08:36 [Music]
0:08:36 – 0:08:42 [Music]
0:08:42 – 0:08:48 [Music]
0:08:48 – 0:08:54 [Music]
0:08:54 – 0:08:57 [Music]
0:08:57 – 0:09:03 [Music]
0:09:03 – 0:09:09 [Music]
0:09:09 – 0:09:17 [Music]
0:09:17 – 0:09:23 [Music]
0:09:23 – 0:09:30 [Music]
0:09:30 – 0:09:35 [Music]
0:09:35 – 0:09:38 [Music]
0:09:38 – 0:09:41 [Music]
0:09:41 – 0:09:44 [Music]
0:09:44 – 0:09:47 [Music]
0:09:47 – 0:09:50 [Music]
0:09:50 – 0:09:53 [Music]
0:09:53 – 0:09:59 [Music]
0:09:59 – 0:10:05 [Music]
0:10:05 – 0:10:11 [Music]
0:10:11 – 0:10:17 [Music]
0:10:17 – 0:10:20 [Music]
0:10:20 – 0:10:26 [Music]
0:10:26 – 0:10:32 [Music]
0:10:32 – 0:10:38 [Music]
0:10:38 – 0:10:45 [Music]
0:10:45 – 0:10:48 [Music]
0:10:48 – 0:10:54 [Music]
0:10:54 – 0:11:00 [Music]
0:11:00 – 0:11:06 [Music]
0:11:06 – 0:11:12 [Music]
0:11:12 – 0:11:41 [Music]
0:11:41 – 0:11:47 [Music]

In this episode of Quiet silence I am talking about a pattern of communication that recurs in conflicts, whether in everyday life, in relationships or in public debate: DARVO.

DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender – i.e. Denial, attack, perpetrator-victim reversal.
We look at how this pattern works, why it is so effective, and how it also becomes visible on social media.

Using current examples from Instagram stories, we explain:

How to deny falsehood.Deny),
Why then immediately follows the counterattack (Attack),
and how, in the end, perpetrators and victims exchange roles (Reverse Victim and Offender).

I'll show you which Psychological mechanisms from defensive strategies to projection and cognitive dissonance, and why DARVO is so confusing for outsiders.

At the end there are impulses, how to recognize this pattern without being drawn into the vortex. Because once you understand DARVO, you will discover it again and again in everyday life and online.

Thematic breakdown:

1. introduction

Welcome and introduction to the silent format
Presentation of the topic: DARVO – a communication pattern of psychology and conflict research

2. Origin and definition of DARVO

Origin: Concept by Jennifer Freyd
Meaning: Deny – Attack – Reverse Victim and Offender
Use in narcissistic and borderline conflicts

3. First phase: Deny (denial)

How it works: General rejection of criticism
Psychological term: Defense Mechanism of Denial
Impact: Uncertainty of the counterpart, doubts with outsiders
Example: “It's all made up. I have nothing to do with all this stuff.”

4. Second phase: Attack (attack)

How it works: Focus shift to the outside, direct attacks on critics
Psychological mechanisms: projection, Projective externalisation, ad hominem attack
Impact: Escalation, critics suddenly have to defend themselves
Examples: "Your podcast is rubbish. You only laugh at bullshit.’ / ‘You live off social fraud.’

5. Third phase: Reverse Victim and Offender

How it works: Perpetrators portray themselves as victims, critics are declared perpetrators
Psychological concepts: Cognitive Dissonance Reduction, victim-blaming-reversal, gaslighting light
Impact: Outsiders are confused, sympathies tip in favor of the alleged victim
Example: “I am the one being bullied here all the time. They are obsessed with me.’

6. Why DARVO is so effective

Speed of sequence: Surprise effect
Emotional dynamics: Denial → Anger → Victim role as roller coaster
Narrative control: The perpetrator appears as a victim at the same time.
Audience effect on social media: Fragments get stuck, victim role looks convincing

7. conclusion

DARVO as a powerful but manipulative communication tactic
Important: Recognize patterns so as not to be dragged into the twist
Invitation to rehearse and look ahead to upcoming psychological topics

Advertising:

Related episodes:

Leave feedback on the issue? ✍️ Then write a comment Audio feedback on the show? ☎️ 0231 53075818

Trustpilot

Contributors to this episode

Sascha

Number of downloads: 130
Playing time: 0:11:47
Date of admission: 24.08.25
This episode is from season 4, there are a total of 4 seasons.

One According to Funk Publication Cartel Production - Where stories are transmitted unmistakably.

Podcast license:

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you shop through these links, I'll get a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Silent Silence 003 Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders – When Thoughts Become Torment

Format	size	Download
MP3 Audio	22 MB	Download
AAC m4a	12 MB	Download

transcript
00:00 - 0:00:26 Hello and welcome to a new edition of Quiet Silence.
0:00:26 – 0:00:38 I'm Sascha Markmann and I say hello. Today's topic is obsessive-compulsive disorder. constraints;
0:00:38 – 0:00:47 For many, this sounds completely harmless for the first time, like a kind of order sky or the urge to
0:00:47 – 0:00:59 to check them all twice, but there is something much more complex behind them, namely obsessive thoughts,
0:00:59 – 0:01:08 Coercive acts and an inner, truly real struggle that can go so far as to lead to a
0:01:08 – 0:01:17 Stress in everyday life becomes a massive burden, because fears, feelings of guilt, the
0:01:17 – 0:01:24 It can create a pressure that is hard to bear. But what are constraints at all?
0:01:24 – 0:01:32 Obsessive-compulsive disorder typically consists of two components. On the one hand, they are obsessive thoughts,
0:01:32 – 0:01:43 This can be, for example, intrusive, unwanted thoughts or images that are directed against the one
0:01:43 – 0:01:51 Pushing will into the head. Often it is about violence, religion, sexuality or even conspiracies
0:01:51 – 0:02:01 and the other are compulsive acts, quasi rituals or actions that are performed in response to
0:02:01 – 0:02:10 These thoughts are carried out to neutralize fear or avoid unhappiness.
0:02:10 – 0:02:19 Such examples would be, for example, someone has the thought, if I do not check the stove twice,
0:02:19 – 0:02:27 Could burn down the apartment. This leads to ritualized behavior. Each time he must
0:02:27 – 0:02:32 Stove controlled, not once, but twice. I even know people who do this.
0:02:32 – 0:02:40 magic numbers, i.e. three times and the whole thing must then be repeated three times. So
0:02:40 – 0:02:48 In the end, they checked the stove nine times. I once had a partner with whom
0:02:48 – 0:02:56 I was together for a good three years, which has also really checked very closely whether the stove from
0:02:56 – 0:03:01 is whether the kettle is off and whether the water is turned off from the washing machine
0:03:01 – 0:03:08 and dishwasher and so on. And all this was repeated several times. What distinguishes
0:03:08 – 0:03:17 Are there any tics or routines? Clearly the pressure of suffering. Because if you have this
0:03:17 – 0:03:26 If you don't follow up on compulsions, there is a pressure of suffering because you haven't done that, because then you have to stop.
0:03:26 – 0:03:33 The fear comes, there is an unhappiness, to set the whole thing apart from tics and routines.
0:03:33 – 0:03:43 Tics, such as blinking or sugars, are rather neurological and unreal.
0:03:43 – 0:03:49 So you do not make it somehow conscious, but it comes from the vegetative nervous system
0:03:49 – 0:03:58 system or through any cross-connections in the brain or small short circuits on the
0:03:58 – 0:04:10 Nerve tract and yes, it's awkward when you have it. For example, I had a time
0:04:10 – 0:04:18 It's a really bad murder. So that's kind of a shaking and I can halfway
0:04:18 – 0:04:24 Imagine what it's like to have such tics now, because I couldn't turn it off either. I could
0:04:24 – 0:04:31 I just couldn't hold my arm still and it was pretty uncomfortable. routines. How to Border Now
0:04:31 – 0:04:37 Are there any constraints on routines? Yeah, that's easy, too. Routines are kind of like that.
0:04:37 – 0:04:48 Habits and rituals. But they are voluntary. So you've gotten used to these things because
0:04:48 – 0:04:56 It also seems reassuring. They give structure, but most importantly, they are voluntary.
0:04:56 – 0:05:02 It's not bad if you don't do this ritual. For example, sleep rituals. Yes,
0:05:02 – 0:05:06 You can also fall asleep without the ritual, but of course it is more beautiful with the ritual.
0:05:06 – 0:05:15 Yes, and then there are constraints. Compulsions are excruciating, definitely. They're not fun. They will
0:05:15 – 0:05:23 Although the person concerned knows that it is actually total nonsense or irrational.
0:05:23 – 0:05:31 But the fear of missing something or triggering a catastrophe is much stronger than
0:05:31 – 0:05:36 what you do – even if you know rationally that it is nonsense – that's a lot
0:05:36 – 0:05:44 Stronger than reason. Typical examples from everyday life. I already have some of them myself
0:05:44 – 0:05:53 Experience less with other people and others. Washing obligation, i.e. up to 50 times or
0:05:53 – 0:06:01 more a day to wash your hands, for fear of transmitting any bacteria and germs
0:06:01 – 0:06:08 Or get infected. I know people who wash all their food several times a day,
0:06:08 – 0:06:17 Fear that something will arise. This is also difficult, even as a person standing next to it.
0:06:17 – 0:06:23 Control constraints, as I said, a former partner of mine, control constraints can
0:06:23 – 0:06:31 Light, doors, faucet, stove, fuse box, everything must be checked several times. And
0:06:31 – 0:06:36 And woe to him, something is not as it should be.
0:06:36 – 0:06:39 It could end in a little drama.
0:06:39 – 0:06:40 Yes, yes.
0:06:40 – 0:06:45 It's just a number squeezer.
0:06:45 – 0:06:49 Certain numbers have to be reached in order to achieve a misfortune.
0:06:49 – 0:06:53 As I said, do the same procedure three times three times.
0:06:53 – 0:06:59 Because three is a magic number and multiples of it are all the more magical.
0:06:59 – 0:07:01 Seven has such a strange number.
0:07:01 – 0:07:09 What some people do too. The higher the number, the more often you repeat. This
0:07:09 – 0:07:15 can take a long time. Something I haven't experienced so far is
0:07:15 – 0:07:26 Obsessive thoughts. Impulses to hurt someone, even though you would never do that, stuff broke
0:07:26 – 0:07:41 What else is there to steal, there is everything. This can be done legally and with the
0:07:41 – 0:07:50 The law has a lot of problems. I know people who are under some sort of buying compulsion.
0:07:50 – 0:07:58 have suffered, which have first of all totally indebted and on the other hand in several shops then stop
0:07:58 – 0:08:06 They had a house ban and almost had problems with their everyday life, because if you were in the
0:08:06 – 0:08:11 The only grocery store in town that can't even go shopping, then you have a problem.
0:08:11 – 0:08:23 Religious compulsions, there are and prayer and moral self-control I have at a
0:08:23 – 0:08:31 I have experienced my own hospital stays, how this is and I can only say that the person was
0:08:31 – 0:08:38 This is really good, because she did it with fervor and devotion. I found it rather
0:08:38 – 0:08:45 It's annoying because they were always involved involuntarily. Now as a human being,
0:08:45 – 0:08:54 who was baptized Catholic but never really lived religiously – I have
0:08:54 – 0:09:01 all rituals took place in this way, except confirmation – there is no such connection. And if I
0:09:01 – 0:09:10 If I imagine that there is God, then this is someone who has quite a bit of humor and just like in Dogma the movie.
0:09:10 – 0:09:18 God laughs at people's faces during sex.
0:09:18 – 0:09:25 This is how I imagine God. It was just fun for him. That's amusing what's happening here on Earth.
0:09:25 – 0:09:34 Okay, back to the subject. These constraints are simply not voluntary. They don't push it
0:09:34 – 0:09:40 character of a person. They are simply symptoms of a disease. And that's what it is.
0:09:40 – 0:09:48 As soon as something becomes a burden, a burden, because you have to do something, even if it
0:09:48 – 0:09:57 It's just fitting. It is a serious illness and should be treated.
0:09:57 – 0:10:11 What is actually behind it? What are the three main emotions that dominate? This is once
0:10:11 – 0:10:20 Fear of something bad happening, guilt, feeling responsible for possible disasters
0:10:20 – 0:10:31 to be and quasi the responsibility, often an exaggerated sense of responsibility for
0:10:31 – 0:10:38 others. Of course, this also becomes a burden if you constantly feel responsible for others.
0:10:38 – 0:10:43 Typical thoughts would be, for example, if I did not make this one move,
0:10:43 – 0:10:51 It's my fault if something happens. This idea acts like an alarm system in continuous operation,
0:10:51 – 0:10:58 Even when there is no longer any cause for concern. As I said, several
0:10:58 – 0:11:04 Control of all sorts of things, constant hand washing, because possibly could.
0:11:04 – 0:11:13 What actually helps? Obsessive-compulsive disorders are definitely treatable. It is not
0:11:13 – 0:11:20 Quick solution, but there are clear strategies on how to deal with it. On the one hand, it is
0:11:20 – 0:11:33 behavioral therapy, especially the method of exposure with reaction avoidance.
0:11:33 – 0:11:43 She has shown in studies that this treatment method helps very well. It's the confrontation with them.
0:11:43 – 0:11:53 Triggering, for example, that I have dirty hands and I have to wash my hand first. Then comes,
0:11:53 – 0:12:02 The coercive action is not carried out. The brain learns that what could happen
0:12:02 – 0:12:08 The catastrophe, the bad event. I'm getting sick now. It doesn't happen.
0:12:08 – 0:12:17 The next approach would be mindfulness techniques. Learning to perceive thoughts without them
0:12:17 – 0:12:26 to follow automatically. An example would be that I have these thoughts, but I don't have to act on them.
0:12:26 – 0:12:34 So if I now, to stick to the example in my hands, if I have internalized,
0:12:34 – 0:12:40 that if my hands are a little dirty, I don't automatically get sick from it,
0:12:40 – 0:12:49 Because I learned that if I don't act, I won't get sick.
0:12:49 – 0:12:56 The next option, of course, is drug treatment. In particularly severe
0:12:56 – 0:13:04 Cases help selective serotonin reuptake hammers. They are like that in the classical sense.
0:13:04 – 0:13:12 "Antidepressants" in general. They act almost in the brain, exactly at the
0:13:12 – 0:13:20 interface of the individual neurons, where serotonin is in the synaptic gap and that
0:13:20 – 0:13:28 it is then resumed again, is prevented because the docking station is blocked
0:13:28 – 0:13:35 is. And so simply more serotonin is freely available in the synaptic gap and the
0:13:35 – 0:13:44 This is because the frequency of how often one has to think of these obsessive thoughts can be reduced. But how
0:13:44 – 0:13:53 In other words, it's actually an antidepressant. But as is so often the case, various
0:13:53 – 0:14:01 Medications that were conceived for completely different purposes, in other diseases. What to do
0:14:01 – 0:14:09 But in any case, it is necessary to be aware that obsessive-compulsive thoughts do not simply happen overnight.
0:14:09 – 0:14:20 disappear. But they can be disempowered and if you have learned that nothing bad
0:14:20 – 0:14:27 If you don't follow the constraints, it loses power over you.
0:14:27 – 0:14:39 Changes life. Why is this topic so important to me? Constraints also belong to the borderline spectrum.
0:14:39 – 0:14:49 As I said, I am myself someone who has a diagnosis, borderline personality or
0:14:49 – 0:14:58 Emotionally incredulous personality about the borderline and have a bit of a struggle with it themselves.
0:14:58 – 0:15:09 In my case, yes, how can I say that, although not particularly pronounced, but if I
0:15:09 – 0:15:15 When I've done things, I just feel safer. Maybe it's more rituals.
0:15:15 – 0:15:23 as a compulsion. Because it doesn't bother me, I don't necessarily see it as worthy of treatment.
0:15:23 – 0:15:29 If it were different, I'd be thinking about it. But it's important to me to say,
0:15:29 – 0:15:39 Constraints are not splices. It is not a matter of order and certainly not voluntary. I know so many
0:15:39 – 0:15:50 People who suffer from compulsions,
0:15:50 – 0:15:53 And they suffer in silence because of
0:15:53 – 0:15:56 Experiences that you have experienced in the course of your
0:15:56 – 0:15:59 Life has been made, you will not
0:15:59 – 0:16:02 Take It Seriously Or Take It
0:16:02 – 0:16:05 Funny about one or you'll be for
0:16:05 – 0:16:09 kept insane. I mean, if someone
0:16:05 – 0:16:10 Hands 20 times in a row
0:16:10 – 0:16:13 washes, so that almost no more skin
0:16:13 – 0:16:14 It's on your fingers, and you're going to
0:16:14 – 0:16:18 It's crazy because a normal person
0:16:18 – 0:16:21 Don't do that. And it's me
0:16:21 – 0:16:25 important, with the format "The quiet silence"
0:16:25 – 0:16:28 educating about various
0:16:28 – 0:16:32 Psychological illnesses, sometimes also
0:16:28 – 0:16:37 neurological diseases, because the stigma of what these diseases have, because they are on the
0:16:37 – 0:16:46 Hidden in silence or not visible, is far too great. How often do I come across understanding
0:16:46 – 0:16:52 because of my physical disability, which I retained after the stroke,
0:16:52 – 0:17:00 But how often do I run into incomprehension when I say I'm not going to the Christmas market?
0:17:00 – 0:17:02 Dortmund, because it's too many people for me.
0:17:02 – 0:17:12 And with the experience I have with this stigma and lack of understanding,
0:17:12 – 0:17:15 I would like to do some educational work.
0:17:15 – 0:17:22 It is important for me to say that we need more empathy in society.
0:17:22 – 0:17:27 Those who experience compulsions live out.
0:17:27 – 0:17:32 He fights daily against what's going on in his head.
0:17:32 – 0:17:39 And this is a strenuous struggle, something that robs forces.
0:17:39 – 0:17:44 And if I can't go after that compulsion, then I'm really suffering.
0:17:44 – 0:17:52 What's going on in the minds of the people who are in this situation is incredible.
0:17:52 – 0:17:58 Of any catastrophes, of any bad upheavals.
0:17:58 – 0:18:02 The house burns down because I forgot to turn off the stove.
0:18:02 – 0:18:09 The apartment is flooded because I forgot the faucet from the washing machine
0:18:09 – 0:18:11 Turn off and the hose will burst.
0:18:11 – 0:18:20 These are, of course, real dangers. This can happen, but what is the probability or how high is the frequency?
0:18:20 – 0:18:28 Therefore, these fears are completely exaggerated. But who lives these fears, for him this is real.
0:18:28 – 0:18:33 And that's important to me to clarify.
0:18:33 – 0:18:43 If you know someone or yourself
0:18:43 – 0:18:47 Don't wait, don't wait,
0:18:47 – 0:18:49 Help or seek help if you
0:18:49 – 0:18:50 You can't go to the doctor alone
0:18:50 – 0:18:55 Or if you know someone who doesn't
0:18:55 – 0:19:00 can. It is so important,
0:19:00 – 0:19:02 that you get support and
0:19:00 – 0:19:10 Perhaps the first point of contact is your family doctor, that you talk to him about it or accompany someone to encourage them to talk about it.
0:19:10 – 0:19:24 And be certain that you are not alone. There are many people who suffer from it, who talk about it on the Internet, in various forums, groups, on Facebook and hatefully seen.
0:19:24 – 0:19:29 Some talk about it more openly, others behind a pseudonym.
0:19:29 – 0:19:36 But there is so much support, so many offers and I can only recommend you to use it.
0:19:36 – 0:19:43 In my first time with my borderline diagnosis and also the suspicion that I have borderline,
0:19:43 – 0:19:48 I read a lot about it on the internet,
0:19:48 – 0:20:01 I just found a great group, a chat where I could exchange a lot and that gave me so much strength and energy that it was worth gold.
0:20:01 – 0:20:08 And now I'd just say we're pretty much through with the episode.
0:20:08 – 0:20:17 If you know someone who suffers from it, you may want to show them the episode.
0:20:17 – 0:20:23 Thank you for listening to me up to this point.
0:20:23 – 0:20:33 And I'd say in one of the next episodes we're talking about dissocialization or
0:20:33 – 0:20:45 Dissociation, one of the two, or emotional numbness. I have these three themes on the
0:20:45 – 0:20:52 Agenda. So stay healthy, take care of yourselves, bye, your Sasha.
0:20:52 – 0:21:21 [Music]
0:21:21 – 0:21:24 [Music]
0:21:24 – 0:21:30 [Music]
0:21:30 – 0:21:36 [Music]
0:21:36 – 0:21:42 [Music]
0:21:42 – 0:21:48 [Music]
0:21:48 – 0:21:51 [Music]
0:21:51 – 0:21:57 [Music]
0:21:57 – 0:22:03 [Music]
0:22:03 – 0:22:09 [Music]
0:22:09 – 0:22:16 [Music]
0:22:16 – 0:22:19 [Music]
0:22:19 – 0:22:25 [Music]
0:22:25 – 0:22:31 [Music]
0:22:31 – 0:22:37 [Music]
0:22:37 – 0:22:43 [Music]
0:22:43 – 0:22:46 [Music]
0:22:46 – 0:22:53 [Music]
0:22:53 – 0:22:59 [Music]
0:22:59 – 0:23:05 [Music]
0:23:05 – 0:23:11 [Music]
0:23:11 – 0:23:14 [Music]
0:23:14 – 0:23:20 [Music]
0:23:20 – 0:23:26 [Music]
0:23:26 – 0:23:32 [Music]
0:23:32 – 0:23:39 [Music]
0:23:39 – 0:24:08 [Music]
0:24:08 – 0:24:11 [Music]
0:24:11 – 0:24:14 [credits]

In this episode of Quiet silence Sascha talks about a topic that is often ridiculed or misunderstood: Obsessive-compulsive disorder. What many consider to be a harmless orderly skirmish is, in reality, a serious internal struggle – between fear, guilt and an overpowering urge to prevent disasters.

Sascha explains easily what is behind Compulsive thoughts and Compulsory acts How they differ from tics or routines and why the suffering pressure is often so great. Personal experiences, concrete examples from everyday life and insights into therapeutic possibilities such as exposure training, mindfulness and drug treatment make this episode particularly tangible.

In addition, Sascha shows how much compulsions with other mental illnesses – e.g. Borderline – can be linked, and why education is so important to reduce prejudice.

If you are affected yourself or know someone who suffers from compulsions: You're not alone. There's help. And it is not a sign of weakness to use them.

Thematic breakdown

Introduction to the topic
– What are obsessive-compulsive disorders really?
– Why the term is often trivialised
Compulsive Thoughts and Compulsive Actions
– Intrusive, unwanted thoughts
– Typical content (violence, religion, sexuality, etc.)
– ‘Anti-hazard’ rituals
Examples from everyday life
– Control constraints (e.g. stove, water, doors)
– Obligation to wash, obligation to pay
– Religious compulsions and buying compulsions
Distinction from tics and routines
– Neurological tics: Involuntary, vegetative
– Routines: Voluntary, not burdensome
– The decisive factor: Suffering pressure
Own experiences and observations
– Personal relationship with someone subject to control
– Own rituals vs. treatment-needed constraints
Background and emotional causes
– Dominant feelings: Fear, guilt, exaggerated responsibility
– Thought patterns: ‘If I don’t do X, Y happens’
Therapeutic options
– Behavioral therapy (reaction-preventing exposure)
– Mindfulness techniques
– Medicinal treatment (SSRI)
Appeal against stigma
– Why compulsions are not a mockery or weakness of character
– The importance of empathy and understanding
– Parallels to other invisible diseases
Find and offer help
– First contact points
– Importance of self-help and online communities
– Motivation for self-help and support
Outlook on upcoming topics
– Dissociation
– emotional numbness
– Other mental and neurological diseases
adoption
– Personal thanks
– Closing words and music

📚 Further literature on Amazon (Affiliate ‑Links)

Unforced happiness - Self-help book

A hands-on self-help book with easy-to-understand exercises to identify and control obsessive-compulsive thoughts – ideal for starting to cope with constraints on your own.

Understanding and managing obsessive-compulsive disorders (balance)

Edited by Susanne Fricke and Iver Hand, this guide offers well-founded support with clear steps and everyday tips for self-help.

Show the red card to the compulsion

A book tailored to children, adolescents and their parents from the Balance series, practice-oriented with many case studies and exercises .

Self-help for mild obsessive-compulsive disorder and addictive behavior

A compact guide over 60 pages – ideal for those who want to get started actively and without therapy with lighter constraints.

Note about Affiliate ‑Links:
The links appear with Affiliate ‑Tracking, which does not cost you anything extra – but helps me to provide further recommendations.

Links to the issue:

Constraints in everyday life – When thoughts become a burden. - LautFunk

Advertising:

Leave feedback on the issue? ✍️ Then write a comment Audio feedback on the show? ☎️ 0231 53075818

Trustpilot

Contributors to this episode

Sascha

Anzahl der Downloads: 196
Playing time: 0:24:13
Date of admission: 13.07.25
This episode is from season 4, there are a total of 4 seasons.

One According to Funk Publication Cartel Production - Where stories are transmitted unmistakably.

Podcast license:

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you shop through these links, I'll get a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Understanding Quiet Silence 002 Borderline 1 – Between Proximity and Delimitation

Format	size	Download
MP3 Audio	34 MB	Download
AAC m4a	17 MB	Download

transcript
00:00 - 0:00:24 Welcome to the Leisenstelle.
0:00:24 – 0:00:29 A podcast about mental health.
0:00:29 – 0:00:37 I'm Sascha Markmann and say hello! Today's topic, that's something that I myself
0:00:37 – 0:00:48 This is borderline personality disorder. Yes, and that is today's topic.
0:00:48 – 0:00:58 The perfidious thing about borderline disorder is that it occurs in many areas of life,
0:00:58 – 0:01:06 Actually, in all areas of life, somehow affects. Starting with relationships or in
0:01:06 – 0:01:17 Everyday life, shopping, alone the house
0:01:17 – 0:01:21 Leaving and that leads to life.
0:01:21 – 0:01:24 huge challenges. I have mine
0:01:24 – 0:01:28 Diagnosis in the mid-20s,
0:01:28 – 0:01:30 After a good friend of mine
0:01:30 – 0:01:33 He pointed out that with me
0:01:30 – 0:01:40 Something isn't quite right with me. So she had the feeling and I can say,
0:01:40 – 0:01:48 She had experience with psychiatry herself and was there, I think, sensitized. Such as:
0:01:48 – 0:01:58 Many people who have had experience in psychiatry. They're just for it
0:01:58 – 0:02:09 Raise awareness. So what is Borderline anyway? Yeah, so we can just
0:02:09 – 0:02:18 Open a book like this and then best of all the ICD-10 and then we read things like that.
0:02:18 – 0:02:29 such as – it is an emotionally unstable personality of type Borderline. There is another,
0:02:29 – 0:02:37 That would be the type of impulsive, but that's a different topic now in a different place. She will be there
0:02:37 – 0:02:49 Divided under the F keys, something like 60, sort of 60.31, to be exact. And yes,
0:02:49 – 0:02:57 If you read it that way, you somehow have the feeling that this also applies to me,
0:02:57 – 0:03:07 because personality disorders are disorders or severe or less pronounced proportions
0:03:07 – 0:03:14 in the personality. And since we all have a complex personality,
0:03:14 – 0:03:18 here is a little more and with the others stop at the same place a little less,
0:03:18 – 0:03:26 You have the feeling, yes, that's where I find myself again. It's just the question of how strong these are.
0:03:26 – 0:03:42 Interpretations are trained. Beuterleinern are said to be very intense, very erratic.
0:03:42 – 0:03:51 The feelings they experience are just as intense and volatile. It can be overwhelming,
0:03:51 – 0:04:02 To experience these feelings. It's hard when I have such a feeling high or low,
0:04:02 – 0:04:10 to regulate it. You're almost … you're … nee, you're not hanging, you're your feelings
0:04:10 – 0:04:19 It's almost out of hand and that makes it very difficult. Another, more important feature is
0:04:19 – 0:04:27 The black and white thinking. In technical jargon called splitting. People or situations are either
0:04:27 – 0:04:35 Totally idealized or severely devalued. There is no healthy mean. I always say,
0:04:35 – 0:04:39 There is no grey. There are a lot of shades of grey between black and white.
0:04:39 – 0:04:47 A loved one can speak out within minutes, a fraction of a second
0:04:47 – 0:04:58 experience. From super-great to the enemy and there must be fought and that by all means,
0:04:58 – 0:05:05 Whether it's rational or irrational, it can be tough. I can only say one thing,
0:05:05 – 0:05:13 If I have a discussion or conflict with my girlfriend, we're both borderliners,
0:05:13 – 0:05:21 It's really bad and what a star they throw in their heads, it really does, it sits, it hurts.
0:05:21 – 0:05:33 And unaffected people can be totally overwhelmed because that is so extreme.
0:05:33 – 0:05:44 Yes, there are also attempts at manipulation, which I will go into more detail later,
0:05:44 – 0:05:53 then statements like "You don't love me" or "I hate you", "You're the worst,
0:05:53 – 0:06:01 What ever happened to me. Such an example is "Sarah loves her best friend above all else,
0:06:01 – 0:06:10 But once she cancels a date, she immediately feels betrayed, rejected,
0:06:10 – 0:06:19 unloved and breaks off contact. The next day she suffers from this situation and regrets
0:06:19 – 0:06:29 She sits there and doesn't understand why she reacted so violently. And this
0:06:29 – 0:06:36 It's something I've learned from my past.
0:06:36 – 0:06:39 I know you, especially before I know you.
0:06:39 – 0:06:42 I went to therapy and it was very
0:06:42 – 0:06:44 I worked hard and hard on myself.
0:06:44 – 0:06:47 There were also such conflicts. Now it was
0:06:47 – 0:06:50 It wasn't so widespread at the time that
0:06:50 – 0:06:53 you had a cell phone everywhere and then
0:06:53 – 0:06:56 Someone could quickly block,
0:06:56 – 0:06:57 There is no smartphone that can be used in
0:06:56 – 0:07:00 social networks could go in and then block, but you could have a phone number
0:07:00 – 0:07:11 block, but for social networks you had to go to the computer. Another whole
0:07:11 – 0:07:24 an important construction site is a proximity and distance problem, a constant conflict, i.e. between "I let
0:07:24 – 0:07:29 Someone approach me, I need someone and that's too much now, go away.
0:07:29 – 0:07:34 And people with Bonne Borderline want deep, real bonds.
0:07:34 – 0:07:41 At the same time, they are also panicked about it. As soon as someone is emotionally too close to you
0:07:41 – 0:07:47 Come on, feel overwhelmed. The closeness is perceived as threatening,
0:07:47 – 0:07:55 Because they learned early. Proximity means
0:07:55 – 0:07:59 Injury often. So they pull
0:07:59 – 0:08:03 back. But this withdrawal then resolves
0:08:03 – 0:08:05 Give them what they like the most.
0:08:05 – 0:08:07 fear, namely, the fear of the
0:08:07 – 0:08:10 To be abandoned. There is a
0:08:10 – 0:08:14 Good book. That's "I hate you,
0:08:10 – 0:08:21 Don't leave me. And I'll link it to the shownotes. This was the first book,
0:08:21 – 0:08:26 What I read on this subject matter, I immediately felt understood.
0:08:26 – 0:08:34 The result is that you are constantly having some relationships that are super intense,
0:08:34 – 0:08:44 but also super unstable and people who can not deal with it, they turn then at some point
0:08:44 – 0:08:53 Let go of one, because this constant ups and downs and "I let you get close to me and then push
0:08:53 – 0:09:02 I'll take you away," a healthy person won't last long. This is so, as an example one could say,
0:09:02 – 0:09:09 Tom is with Lisa. Whenever Lisa shows them her love,
0:09:09 – 0:09:16 He stops, distances himself. But as soon as she walks away,
0:09:16 – 0:09:24 He calls her nonstop and cries, begging her not to leave him.
0:09:24 – 0:09:30 And that just means that no one really knows what's going on now.
0:09:30 – 0:09:34 Everyone feels misunderstood,
0:09:34 – 0:09:37 Neither Tom nor Lisa,
0:09:37 – 0:09:39 and
0:09:39 – 0:09:42 They just don't move forward because
0:09:42 – 0:09:44 You just can't handle it and
0:09:44 – 0:09:49 Tom can't deal with himself and how is Lisa supposed to do that?
0:09:49 – 0:09:53 Of course, there are also relationships with other people,
0:09:53 – 0:09:56 family, friends,
0:09:56 – 0:09:59 They are all very conflicted, because
0:09:59 – 0:10:09 These relationships are also characterized by an intensity and aversion and idealization.
0:10:09 – 0:10:15 I can only say from my own experience, when I meet new people and I find something great,
0:10:15 – 0:10:25 Then I idealize this completely over and then I am offended at the first disappointment.
0:10:25 – 0:10:34 Meanwhile, I can regulate all this and tell myself that I have exaggerated there and people are not perfect,
0:10:34 – 0:10:39 But I still have this weird thinking, and I think I'll never get rid of it.
0:10:39 – 0:10:49 It must be said that all these emotional fluctuations lead to situations,
0:10:49 – 0:11:07 With which no one can really deal and it can lead to misunderstandings, outbursts of anger, seizures, deepest affection.
0:11:07 – 0:11:14 And that's what's going on around this bag.
0:11:14 – 0:11:19 This is typical, for example, of impulsivity.
0:11:19 – 0:11:25 Decisions are made from the moment without thinking about the consequences.
0:11:25 – 0:11:29 It's escalating really fast.
0:11:29 – 0:11:33 Small things quickly turn into a big fight.
0:11:33 – 0:11:37 And yes, I know that too. That's wow.
0:11:37 – 0:11:43 Yes, I said before, idealization and devaluation, that's also a thing,
0:11:43 – 0:11:49 Thing, you have to do it yourself first
0:11:49 – 0:11:54 Get along and everyone else too. And there are
0:11:54 – 0:11:56 even out of fear, leaving
0:11:56 – 0:11:59 It is a jealousy and
0:11:59 – 0:11:59 A control behavior.
0:11:59 – 0:12:07 I can only do that now
0:12:07 – 0:12:09 confirm a little bit, because the fear of
0:12:09 – 0:12:11 Abandoned, yes, but I never
0:12:09 – 0:12:17 put pressure on others and do not control them, because I do not want to do it myself,
0:12:17 – 0:12:27 Someone is controlling me. Who wants that? When I think about it,
0:12:27 – 0:12:35 I know a well-known couple, also a borderline affected, the other not,
0:12:35 – 0:12:45 And then there are conflicts. Let's call it Paul and Jana. Paul and Jana lead a
0:12:45 – 0:12:54 Totally normal relationship. Paul says he wants to spend the evening with joy. Jana feels
0:12:54 – 0:13:03 This is interpreted as a sign that it means nothing to him. It
0:13:03 – 0:13:11 This is followed by an hour-long argument, even though Paul would simply have needed some time for himself.
0:13:11 – 0:13:18 I know you, too. Yes, I experienced it myself.
0:13:18 – 0:13:23 In a different relationship. It's bad.
0:13:23 – 0:13:26 Especially if you didn't think about it.
0:13:26 – 0:13:31 I've never really made a big tooth because
0:13:31 – 0:13:41 I, who could control everything well, even if the fear that someone might get lost always resonates with it.
0:13:41 – 0:13:46 But you also have to know your own price, your own value somewhere.
0:13:46 – 0:13:50 And I think before I did therapy, I was crasser.
0:13:50 – 0:13:56 But let's talk about inner perception, inner waves.
0:13:56 – 0:14:02 And I would say that's such a mixture of chaos and pain.
0:14:02 – 0:14:10 On the outside, many borderliners seem very moody,
0:14:10 – 0:14:21 Exaggeratedly sensitive, but inside there is often a deep, hardly tolerable emotional chaos.
0:14:21 – 0:14:38 And this can even extend to a deep inner void, because if it becomes too much, then there are protective mechanisms that lead to the fact that everything is simply regulated away.
0:14:38 – 0:14:43 And then you don't feel anything anymore, but then there is this deep emptiness.
0:14:43 – 0:14:55 And this feeling can even go so far that you no longer know who you are.
0:14:55 – 0:15:01 Even one's identity disappears.
0:15:01 – 0:15:12 And this is also a core syndrome of borderline personality disorder,
0:15:12 – 0:15:16 You have an identity disorder.
0:15:16 – 0:15:19 I really didn't know for a long time,
0:15:19 – 0:15:24 What is special about me,
0:15:24 – 0:15:28 what strengths, what weaknesses I have,
0:15:28 – 0:15:32 Which is why I could be liked at all.
0:15:32 – 0:15:36 I found it really hard
0:15:36 – 0:15:39 And that unsettles one.
0:15:39 – 0:15:49 On the other hand, you are also incredibly adaptable.
0:15:49 – 0:15:53 Yeah, like a little chameleon.
0:15:53 – 0:15:56 If you throw me into a group, I adapt to the group.
0:15:56 – 0:16:01 If you throw me into another group, I adapt to that group.
0:16:01 – 0:16:18 If this feeling of inner emptiness simply becomes too great or other emotional states such as fear, anger, deep sadness, even joy, it can lead to self-harming behavior.
0:16:18 – 0:16:24 Now, some experts say,
0:16:24 – 0:16:29 Self-proclaimed experts, that's what you do.
0:16:29 – 0:16:32 Just because of the need for attention,
0:16:32 – 0:16:37 Extensiveness to attract attention
0:16:37 – 0:16:41 generate. But the interesting thing is,
0:16:41 – 0:16:43 The pain that comes with the
0:16:43 – 0:16:46 The action isn't really there,
0:16:43 – 0:16:52 In the end, however, this leads to a reduction in internal pressure. And as the blood flows,
0:16:52 – 0:17:02 This too much emotion just flows out of you. And that's how it is
0:17:02 – 0:17:10 Valve for feelings. Can this be better described? The stupid thing about it is,
0:17:10 – 0:17:17 it works wonderfully and it is highly effective, just does not last long. How could I do this
0:17:17 – 0:17:29 Take an example now? After a fight, Mia feels an emptiness in herself and this state,
0:17:29 – 0:17:36 In order to interrupt this state, she scratches herself. The pain calms her for the moment,
0:17:36 – 0:17:44 But then comes what many brothers and sisters feel, or even a lot of people feel.
0:17:44 – 0:17:51 Suffering from self-injurious behavior. You're ashamed of what you did because you're so weak again.
0:17:51 – 0:17:57 It was that you had to do it. For there are visible traces and these visible traces,
0:17:57 – 0:18:04 This is constantly being addressed. Or there are stupid looks. Let's go to the
0:18:04 – 0:18:11 Let's get to the point where we talk about whether you, as a borderliner, are able to relate to others.
0:18:11 – 0:18:28 lead. And yes, that's possible if you do certain self-protection and pay attention to yourself.
0:18:28 – 0:18:35 Because a big mistake is that people with borderline are incapable of loving or
0:18:35 – 0:18:45 To have relationships. It's more likely that people with borderline tend to go too fast.
0:18:45 – 0:18:51 Making any relationships, friendships too fast, any couple relationships too fast
0:18:51 – 0:19:03 And that can then stop from, as already said, super intense to super critical,
0:19:03 – 0:19:11 because then comes a self-harming behavior, or self-injury behavior,
0:19:11 – 0:19:17 in which one engages in too intense sexual contacts and then does not consider oneself,
0:19:17 – 0:19:27 but virtually relieves pressure on it or simply goes there and pushes its value.
0:19:27 – 0:19:34 Or just to feel something or not to feel something, but to feel something else.
0:19:34 – 0:19:36 Yes, there are so many different things.
0:19:36 – 0:19:45 Yes, then there is also the thing that stops this non-relationship ability also
0:19:45 – 0:19:58 because borderliners often have fears of not being enough, then fear
0:19:58 – 0:20:06 to be abandoned, the fear of giving too much, giving too little and I can only
0:20:06 – 0:20:12 I say that from my experience and also in the legitimate relationship I see it yes
0:20:12 – 0:20:18 Again and again, make sure you don't take too much of yourself.
0:20:18 – 0:20:24 Let's say with the natural chips, then you make sure that the other also something
0:20:24 – 0:20:31 so that you don't take too much yourself to protect the other person from
0:20:31 – 0:20:40 Gets too little. Many behaviors that are hurtful to outsiders are in
0:20:40 – 0:20:48 It is also a kind of self-protection. They're supposed to prevent people from doing it again.
0:20:48 – 0:21:03 Injure deeply. Just as events in childhood, even in the earliest childhood, can
0:21:03 – 0:21:12 that you can't really have relationships because you have that primal trust,
0:21:12 – 0:21:21 This trust in other people has never really been built. It can also be put in a
0:21:21 – 0:21:28 totally chaotic relationship for outsiders and you can't really do it yourself
0:21:28 – 0:21:42 Assess in which direction it is moving. As an outsider, as a partner, as a friend, as an acquaintance.
0:21:42 – 0:21:52 I've seen people where I've thought for myself, ui, that's fierce. During therapy,
0:21:52 – 0:22:00 behind special borderline therapy, where I thought so when you're on it,
0:22:00 – 0:22:13 This is a house number. As someone who is affected by the borderline himself and with
0:22:13 – 0:22:22 someone who suffers from borderline, I can only say that something that
0:22:22 – 0:22:27 It's very important, and that's setting boundaries.
0:22:27 – 0:22:37 I have already written an article on this in my blog that sets boundaries is important.
0:22:37 – 0:22:51 Setting boundaries is not selfishness. This is another contribution. And we in our
0:22:51 – 0:22:58 Relationships work really well with setting boundaries and accepting or adhering to boundaries.
0:22:58 – 0:23:11 For relatives, it is really important to know that they can set limits without being heartless.
0:23:11 – 0:23:27 Especially in relationships with Borderline, it is crucial that you do not have to do any self-abandonment in this fight.
0:23:27 – 0:23:32 Because the other is sick and I have to take myself back.
0:23:32 – 0:23:37 There is always a point somewhere where you say stop, so stop, until here still
0:23:37 – 0:23:44 No further. It is important to communicate clearly,
0:23:44 – 0:23:52 But also in a calm tone that has now reached a limit.
0:23:52 – 0:23:59 Attacks should not always be taken personally, especially if there is a high
0:23:59 – 0:24:05 Excitation state gives, can really fall malices and malices,
0:24:05 – 0:24:14 The right place to sit, where you really have to swallow yourself as a person who can do this well.
0:24:14 – 0:24:19 So I've already heard things from my girlfriend, I thought,
0:24:19 – 0:24:24 Holla the Wallfehin, that's not from bad parents. I certainly have
0:24:24 – 0:24:34 I said things to her in a fight where she thought it was. It is important that even if it
0:24:34 – 0:24:47 There was a conflict, that one stays in contact and also to one's own needs. Because if I
0:24:47 – 0:24:57 since self-abandonment works and accepts and accepts everything, then I do myself
0:24:57 – 0:25:05 Nothing good, not at all. And there comes a point where the frustration and
0:25:05 – 0:25:14 how can I say that, the frustration, the injuries and those negative moments
0:25:14 – 0:25:21 just so prevalent that it then leads to the termination of the relationship, the friendship,
0:25:21 – 0:25:28 that there is a discontinuation of contact, not on the part of the borderliner, but on the part of the human being,
0:25:28 – 0:25:35 Which is perhaps the most important one. Which really, really helps relatives,
0:25:35 – 0:25:45 Talking to friends and exchanging ideas. There are self-help groups
0:25:45 – 0:25:54 for members of Borderliner. You can also spend a few hours with a therapist.
0:25:54 – 0:26:02 Talk and get tips and tricks to deal with it better.
0:26:02 – 0:26:13 Now I can almost only try to illustrate this again with an example.
0:26:13 – 0:26:23 Lena lives in a partnership with a partner who has Borderline.
0:26:23 – 0:26:31 She learned in a therapy that she did especially because the partnership was important to her,
0:26:31 – 0:26:45 that in a dispute, in an escalation of the situation, she does not scream and jumps on the sinking ship,
0:26:45 – 0:27:03 but first allow distance, calm down, calm down the situation and then direct the conversation to it again and without being blamed.
0:27:03 – 0:27:14 This leads to the fact that simply the necessary calmness is there and the relationship offers security.
0:27:14 – 0:27:24 So also the conversation then takes place in a safe setting and which ensures safety.
0:27:24 – 0:27:28 That's important.
0:27:28 – 0:27:40 Yeah, well, let's get to the end. What can I bring along? There is hope,
0:27:40 – 0:27:50 Definitely. I saw it with therapy. Living with Borderliner is one of them.
0:27:50 – 0:27:57 The challenge of living with Borderline itself is also a challenge. With someone,
0:27:57 – 0:28:03 If you have a borderline, it's also a challenge. There are, of course, such,
0:28:03 – 0:28:10 that you have a greater understanding of each other, if you have such special behaviors
0:28:10 – 0:28:21 day, but as I said, if there's conflict, it's going to be evil. But by and large
0:28:21 – 0:28:28 There are two ways in which this
0:28:28 – 0:28:30 Life is better with Borderline. This
0:28:30 – 0:28:34 One is, you get older, you get older
0:28:34 – 0:28:39 Quiet, you learn to live with yourself. This
0:28:39 – 0:28:44 The other is that you can do therapy.
0:28:44 – 0:28:51 DBT is a recognized possibility. This
0:28:44 – 0:28:51 This means dialectically B-H-viral therapy.
0:28:51 – 0:28:53 I'm sure I cut it wrong.
0:28:53 – 0:29:04 It was specially developed for some with Borderline and helps with strong emotions,
0:29:04 – 0:29:12 To learn the necessary craft, to regulate it with various techniques.
0:29:12 – 0:29:22 It takes a little practice. You also learn to deal better with each other in interpersonal relationships.
0:29:22 – 0:29:34 And the interesting thing is, if you have done this therapy, then it is so that it really shows its full effect only after years.
0:29:34 – 0:29:41 That's not the case now, I go to the hospital, do a few months of therapy, usually for twelve weeks.
0:29:41 – 0:29:46 And when I get out of there, I'm a
0:29:46 – 0:29:49 Better people and with me you can
0:29:49 – 0:29:53 live better. No, that's not the case.
0:29:53 – 0:29:56 Of course, relatives can also
0:29:56 – 0:30:01 Learn to deal better with situations
0:30:01 – 0:30:04 and maintain the relationship
0:30:04 – 0:30:07 because it understands then
0:30:07 – 0:30:10 for the fact that he is just so
0:30:07 – 0:30:15 the way he behaves, out of an emergency situation, out of an overload.
0:30:15 – 0:30:24 So if that really turns into chaos. And you really have to be open and honest
0:30:24 – 0:30:35 Be in communication and also dealing with your feelings should be clear and open
0:30:35 – 0:30:44 Communicate what is going on in you.
0:30:44 – 0:30:46 And that speaks to both sides.
0:30:46 – 0:30:49 I found out when I
0:30:49 – 0:30:53 Say I'm feeling right now
0:30:53 – 0:30:56 misunderstood because
0:30:56 – 0:30:58 I feel like you're me
0:30:58 – 0:31:01 If you're attacking, I can do better.
0:31:01 – 0:31:05 Explain why this is so,
0:31:01 – 0:31:08 Why do I feel misunderstood now, as if I'm immediately going up and yelling around?
0:31:08 – 0:31:21 Yes, I'm sure I can still make some episodes to Borderline, because that was just now
0:31:21 – 0:31:29 such a very small, rough different from what Borderline is, and I have tried to show,
0:31:29 – 0:31:35 where difficulties arise and where difficulties lie.
0:31:35 – 0:31:46 It's just really difficult to convey knowledge without it somehow being so "Hello,
0:31:46 – 0:31:54 I'm a doctor" or "Hello, I'm a psychologist" sounds, but in a normal language,
0:31:54 – 0:32:02 which is understandable to convey all this, because, as the name already says,
0:32:02 – 0:32:12 Personalities are complex in structure. Each of us has such a personality. Without
0:32:12 – 0:32:22 We would be soulless machines. Greetings to JetGBT. And these personalities are
0:32:22 – 0:32:34 They are all differently shaped, educated. So, of course, there will be a few consequences.
0:32:34 – 0:32:42 So if you could take something from this episode for yourself, please write it to me in the
0:32:42 – 0:32:49 Comments. I'd be happy about that.
0:32:49 – 0:32:54 And be sure you're not alone,
0:32:54 – 0:32:59 Whether you are a family member or
0:32:59 – 0:33:02 It was there, because it was there, and it
0:33:02 – 0:33:05 There will be many people after you.
0:33:05 – 0:33:09 This disease and they will all
0:33:05 – 0:33:16 To learn more or less to live. I can only say from my observation,
0:33:16 – 0:33:26 That it really gets better with age and that therapy really helps. So,
0:33:26 – 0:33:35 Thanks for listening and we will hear each other at a next issue of the Leisensstille
0:33:35 – 0:33:42 Or in one of the other podcast formats. Goodbye and thanks for listening. Your Sasha
0:33:42 – 0:33:45 [Music]
0:33:45 – 0:33:51 [Music]
0:33:51 – 0:33:57 [Music]
0:33:57 – 0:34:03 [Music]
0:34:03 – 0:34:09 [Music]
0:34:09 – 0:34:12 [Music]
0:34:12 – 0:34:18 [Music]
0:34:18 – 0:34:24 [Music]
0:34:24 – 0:34:30 [Music]
0:34:30 – 0:34:37 [Music]
0:34:37 – 0:34:40 [Music]
0:34:40 – 0:34:46 [Music]
0:34:46 – 0:34:52 [Music]
0:34:52 – 0:34:58 [Music]
0:34:58 – 0:35:05 [Music]
0:35:05 – 0:35:08 [Music]
0:35:08 – 0:35:14 [Music]
0:35:14 – 0:35:20 [Music]
0:35:20 – 0:35:26 [Music]
0:35:26 – 0:35:32 [Music]
0:35:32 – 0:35:35 [Music]
0:35:35 – 0:35:41 [Music]
0:35:41 – 0:35:47 [Music]
0:35:47 – 0:35:53 [Music]
0:35:53 – 0:36:00 [Music]
0:36:00 – 0:36:03 [Music]
0:36:03 – 0:36:09 [Music]
0:36:09 – 0:36:15 [Music]
0:36:15 – 0:36:21 [Music]
0:36:21 – 0:36:27 [Music]
0:36:27 – 0:36:56 [Music]
0:36:56 – 0:37:02 [Music]

In this episode of Quiet silence I am talking about borderline personality disorder – a mental illness that is often misunderstood but hides deep emotional pain and a strong need for closeness. We dive into the inner world of those affected, explain typical relationship patterns, the infamous black-and-white thinking and use concrete examples to show why conflicts often occur.

You will learn:

How it feels to live with Borderline
Why closeness and distance are so hard to bear
What are the protective mechanisms behind the behavior?
How to set clear, loving boundaries as a loved one
Why Hope for Healing is Real

Sensitive. Honestly. Enlightening.
For those who want to understand more – from others and themselves.

Thematic breakdown

1. Welcome & personal introduction

Presentation of the topic
My own concern
How the diagnosis came about

2. What is Borderline?

Definition according to ICD-10
Distinction from impulsive type
Personality Shares & Intensity of Feelings
Black and white thinking (splitting)
First examples from your own experience

3. Emotional intensity & relationship dynamics

Proximity-distance problem
Panic fear of leaving
Example: ‘Tom & Lisa’ - Love and retreat alternately
Why healthy people reach their limits

4. Relationship patterns & Conflict dynamics

Idealization and devaluation
Impulsivity & escalation in conflicts
Jealousy & control
Example: ‘Paul & Jana’ – misunderstandings due to fear
Personal Relationship Experiences and Reflection

5. Inner World & Self-image

Emotional chaos & emotional emptiness
Identity uncertainty
Adaptation to others – the internal chameleon
Protection mechanisms - the feeling of not knowing who you are

6. Self-injurious behavior

Why It Happens - Pressure Reduction, Not Attention
Example: ‘Mia’ after a dispute
Shame, visible traces & social interaction

7. Relationship capacity – a misunderstanding

Borderliners can love
Difficulties due to own fears
Exemplary behavioural patterns (e.g. excessive consideration)
Self-esteem problems & unstable bonds

8. Childhood & Original Confidence

How Early Experiences Shape Attachment Behavior
Chaotic Relationship Patterns as a Result of Injured Biography
External perspective and self-perception

9. Setting Limits in Relationships

Related to the blog post
Why borders matter – for both sides
Dealing with escalation and attacks
Example: ‘Lena’ learns to resolve conflicts more calmly in therapy
Create clarity without giving up on yourself

10. Hope & Therapy

Living with Borderline is difficult – but possible
Ways to stabilise:
- Aging and maturity
- Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)
Long-term effects of therapy
Families can also learn to handle better.

11. Closing & Outlook

Personal reflection
Encouragement to those affected & relatives
Indication of future consequences
Thanks and farewell

Links to the issue:

Advertising:

Leave feedback on the issue? ✍️ Then write a comment Audio feedback on the show? ☎️ 0231 53075818

Trustpilot

Contributors to this episode

Sascha

Number of downloads: 299
Playing time: 0:37:03
Date of admission: 14.06.25
This episode is from season 4, there are a total of 4 seasons.

One According to Funk Publication Cartel Production - Where stories are transmitted unmistakably.

Podcast license:

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License

Note: This post contains affiliate links. If you shop through these links, I'll get a small commission at no extra cost to you.

Silent Silence 001 Depression

Format	size	Download
MP3 Audio	35 MB	Download
AAC m4a	18 MB	Download

transcript
00:00 - 0:00:23 [Music]
0:00:23 – 0:00:28 Hello and welcome to the first episode of
0:00:28 – 0:00:36 A podcast about mental illness.
0:00:36 – 0:00:41 Today's topic is depression.
0:00:41 – 0:00:45 The issue affects a lot of people.
0:00:45 – 0:00:51 I know a lot of people who suffer from depression.
0:00:51 – 0:00:53 Sometimes more, sometimes less.
0:00:53 – 0:01:01 I even met someone who, as she said, with her latent depressive
0:01:01 – 0:01:08 Phase lives in her little turret. Maybe you've already felt yourself,
0:01:08 – 0:01:17 how life can turn gray or you can no longer enjoy small things,
0:01:17 – 0:01:26 like a beautiful sunrise, I know it's pretty clichéd, a good cup of coffee,
0:01:26 – 0:01:38 Enjoy a delicious piece of cake, watch your favorite movie on the streaming service or on LinearTV. You
0:01:38 – 0:01:45 notice how you withdraw more and more from the environment and manage less and less, somehow
0:01:45 – 0:01:47 How to manage your everyday life.
0:01:47 – 0:01:51 And that's what it's all about today.
0:01:51 – 0:01:55 Depressiveness, depression,
0:01:55 – 0:01:59 or a depressive phase,
0:01:59 – 0:02:04 As they call it in technical jargon.
0:02:04 – 0:02:08 But a little disclaimer at the very beginning.
0:02:08 – 0:02:10 This is not therapy.
0:02:10 – 0:02:12 This should not replace therapy.
0:02:12 – 0:02:22 If you feel that your depression is too severe to cope on your own,
0:02:22 – 0:02:28 Then seek professionally qualified help. A good contact point is in the first place
0:02:28 – 0:02:36 Your family doctor. Talk to him about how you feel, that you have a guess,
0:02:36 – 0:02:42 That it could be depression and see together how it goes on.
0:02:42 – 0:02:52 But now at the very beginning. What is depression? Depression is longer and
0:02:52 – 0:03:01 more difficult. It just takes longer. A phase in life where you are more than in a bad mood or
0:03:01 – 0:03:12 such a hanger now in quotation marks. It's something that really depends on the severity.
0:03:12 – 0:03:18 It prevents you from living your day-to-day life. I met people who were so
0:03:18 – 0:03:24 Depressed, they couldn't get up. They just stood up to stop it.
0:03:24 – 0:03:31 The most important thing to do was to go to the toilet. They had all the joy
0:03:31 – 0:03:41 lost in eating, caring, or talking to other people. There was nothing left,
0:03:41 – 0:03:47 except to lie in bed and sleep. So we see, such a depression can really
0:03:47 – 0:03:53 It is a serious, serious illness. It's not as obvious as a broken
0:03:53 – 0:04:02 Leg or as clearly perceptible as pneumonia. It is a hidden disease,
0:04:02 – 0:04:10 But it can be just as difficult and even in individual cases just as deadly. But what are so
0:04:10 – 0:04:18 The typical symptoms? One speaks of a deep exhaustion, so that one even sleeps a lot.
0:04:18 – 0:04:28 There is a loss of interest, nothing is more fun. Some also have serious feelings of guilt,
0:04:28 – 0:04:33 a self-doubt or even a deep hopelessness that nothing is left in the
0:04:33 – 0:04:41 Life gets better or makes sense. Concentration problems are also often present.
0:04:41 – 0:04:48 Because there's so much going on in my head. Some also have a great deal of decision-making difficulty.
0:04:48 – 0:04:56 What is called ambivalence in technical jargon. You just can't decide anymore,
0:04:56 – 0:05:01 And even if it's just between two things, now I'm eating a donut or eating
0:05:01 – 0:05:10 I've got the doughnuts next to me. Just as a small example. Insomnia or extreme sleep needs
0:05:10 – 0:05:17 It is also a common symptom. I can tell from my own experience that I was a real
0:05:17 – 0:05:23 Night Owl and have here once two hours, maybe there once an hour or there sometimes three hours
0:05:23 – 0:05:32 slept. I was awake and did nothing. loss of appetite or the opposite,
0:05:32 – 0:05:42 Excessive eating is also a symptom. A lot of people have a withdrawal from
0:05:42 – 0:05:50 the social life. And I observe this very often and I have had this myself, while
0:05:50 – 0:06:01 Many of my depressive phases. And in some serious cases, suicidality, i.e. a kind of
0:06:01 – 0:06:07 death longing, thoughts about death, which now does not necessarily lead to a suicide attempt,
0:06:07 – 0:06:14 But it can lead to it. At least the desire is for it, because when I'm dead,
0:06:14 – 0:06:21 All my problems are gone or my suffering is over. What I learned from many conversations with
0:06:21 – 0:06:29 Affected or even with fellow patients is remembered, so sentences,
0:06:29 – 0:06:35 They were like, "I didn't feel like I was sad. I had rather this
0:06:35 – 0:06:46 Feeling like I'm nothing." And that's kind of a good thing. You are so deep in your
0:06:46 – 0:06:55 Depression trapped that you don't feel anything in and of yourself anymore because this sadness is so
0:06:55 – 0:07:05 is overwhelming, so huge that you taste like sweet honey, which at some point tastes bitter,
0:07:05 – 0:07:13 Because it's just so sweet. Maybe that's how it can be compared. So how does it feel
0:07:13 – 0:07:21 To have a depression? This is very different and very individual. Some
0:07:21 – 0:07:31 People say it feels like I'm packed in cotton because everything is very dull and nothing
0:07:31 – 0:07:38 It really gets closer to me. You don't feel much anymore. Others describe it as if
0:07:38 – 0:07:46 There is a black cloud in her head or even around her or around her. Others say,
0:07:46 – 0:07:49 It feels like living under water.
0:07:49 – 0:08:00 You see everything out there as life is, but even you can't get it or you're no longer a part of it.
0:08:00 – 0:08:08 These feelings, these impressions cannot simply be thought away or talked away.
0:08:08 – 0:08:12 It's just there.
0:08:12 – 0:08:18 It's permanent, perma- sorry, I can't pronounce it right now.
0:08:18 – 0:08:21 It's just always there.
0:08:21 – 0:08:28 And no matter how good the talk is, pull yourself together, just go out,
0:08:28 – 0:08:30 You have to go among people again.
0:08:30 – 0:08:35 It doesn't matter because you just don't see it that way at the moment.
0:08:35 – 0:08:40 Or if you understand that you actually have to do it, you can't,
0:08:40 – 0:08:47 Because you are paralyzed by this impotence, which you also feel yourself.
0:08:47 – 0:08:52 The big question is, where does depression come from?
0:08:52 – 0:08:57 It must be said that there is a single cause.
0:08:57 – 0:09:01 It is usually a combination of several factors.
0:09:01 – 0:09:07 On the one hand, there is a biological component,
0:09:07 – 0:09:18 In other words, there is an imbalance of messenger substances in the brain, such as serotonin or norepinephrine.
0:09:18 – 0:09:23 Sometimes it's a shortage, sometimes it's a surplus.
0:09:23 – 0:09:30 You have to understand, our metabolism in the brain works almost with players
0:09:30 – 0:09:31 and opponents.
0:09:31 – 0:09:39 One performs a task and the other ensures that the messenger substance,
0:09:39 – 0:09:44 who has performed this task will be withdrawn. We are also talking about
0:09:44 – 0:09:52 Players and opponents. And this is in the case of the seretondomine and the noradralin,
0:09:52 – 0:09:59 What then is the opponent. To explain it in a very simple way.
0:09:59 – 0:10:06 I know, people who know that this is much more complex, the mechanisms,
0:10:06 – 0:10:12 and that many other good fabrics play a big role, but that's all
0:10:12 – 0:10:17 Stay here quite simply and comprehensibly. Then, of course, there is the psychological
0:10:17 – 0:10:32 component. trauma, loss of a person, a serious accident, witness or even victim
0:10:32 – 0:10:38 an act of violence, childhood experiences that can also be traumatizing, loss of a
0:10:38 – 0:10:48 Parent, divorces of parents, personality traits such as a very high self-criticism
0:10:48 – 0:10:56 It can also lead to depression like this. 'Cause when I'm all super
0:10:56 – 0:11:03 You have to make perfect and you can't make anything perfect because the perfect doesn't exist.
0:11:03 – 0:11:09 You will never reach that level, that level of ambition. And some people will stop at it,
0:11:09 – 0:11:17 Because they never reach it, depressed. Then, of course, there are environmental factors such as social,
0:11:17 – 0:11:25 social factors such as long-term stress. The one who gets burned at work
0:11:25 – 0:11:33 Or at home in care work. The housewife who, in addition to her, her half-day job,
0:11:33 – 0:11:46 Household has to throw, then the family planner is, the manager, then still wife of the man and
0:11:46 – 0:11:52 many other things. This can lead to an overload and then you can also get into depression.
0:11:52 – 0:11:59 fall. Isolation. We humans are social beings. We need to interact with
0:11:59 – 0:12:05 with other people. And if it's just over the internet. Enough social interaction
0:12:05 – 0:12:11 over the Internet. I really limit my real contacts to a minimum because I
0:12:11 – 0:12:17 find it very exhausting. People are really exhausting for me. This is also very
0:12:17 – 0:12:23 interesting. Maybe I should talk about it. Bullying. Anyone who has ever
0:12:23 – 0:12:30 has had bullying experiences, whether they are perpetrators or victims who know
0:12:30 – 0:12:37 What a great experience it is for the victim. I also have my bullying experience.
0:12:37 – 0:12:48 Experienced in school. There were two phases. It's like a fifth grader, and then it's like that.
0:12:48 – 0:13:02 in the 8th/9th with people from a parallel class. That was really awkward. Really. But
0:13:02 – 0:13:10 I think many people have this experience. But we just know from research,
0:13:10 – 0:13:18 Bullying can actually lead to severe depression. Poverty, for example, is also
0:13:18 – 0:13:25 The trigger. Who would have thought? I mean, who has such problems with the money,
0:13:25 – 0:13:28 At the end of the month, I still have enough to buy myself something to eat.
0:13:28 – 0:13:34 I have enough money to buy food for my children or my pets. This
0:13:34 – 0:13:39 It can also lead to depression. Last but not least, unemployment.
0:13:39 – 0:13:45 Long-term unemployed people are more at risk of falling into depression,
0:13:45 – 0:13:51 like people who have a job or a meaningful job.
0:13:51 – 0:13:58 After my stroke, I started the hobby of podcasting and social media.
0:13:58 – 0:14:08 I wanted to blog in order to find a job. I've stopped
0:14:08 – 0:14:16 realized in music, painting and other creative hobbies. You have to hold your place
0:14:16 – 0:14:24 find. Yeah, so how can you not imagine that in the picture? The best thing is that you
0:14:24 – 0:14:32 Imagine a barrel where slowly a drop by drop falls on it. This barrel has a certain
0:14:32 – 0:14:40 by volume of volume. And when the barrel is full at some point, it overflows. Now the barrel is
0:14:40 – 0:14:48 But don't always have the same size. In the case of one person, the barrel has a large
0:14:48 – 0:14:54 Capacity, there can come many worries and griefs in until it overflows. And with the other
0:14:54 – 0:14:59 People, for whatever reason, this capacity is much smaller and then that happens.
0:14:59 – 0:15:06 much faster. But how will now
0:15:06 – 0:15:09 Really diagnosed with depression?
0:15:09 – 0:15:14 Many people are affected only after months or
0:15:14 – 0:15:18 years to go to the doctor and then a
0:15:18 – 0:15:20 Begin therapy from a wide variety of
0:15:20 – 0:15:23 reasons. This can be for safety,
0:15:23 – 0:15:23 shame,
0:15:24 – 0:15:32 Unexperience or the belief that mental illness is not really something,
0:15:32 – 0:15:41 As far as I'm concerned. People don't go to the doctor and get help. As I said,
0:15:41 – 0:15:45 I can only give you the tip if you think there's something wrong with you in life.
0:15:45 – 0:15:52 run, go to your family doctor, talk to him about it and encourage him to take you to a
0:15:52 – 0:16:04 The specialist sends. Now we have asked the question, how is this diagnosed? And there
0:16:04 – 0:16:16 There is a fixed set of criteria, as with all other diseases. And when you
0:16:16 – 0:16:24 has at least two weeks several main and additional symptoms, i.e.
0:16:24 – 0:16:31 Depression. They are available in different forms. A light one, a medium one
0:16:31 – 0:16:40 and severe depression. The main symptoms would be depressed mood, loss of interest,
0:16:40 – 0:16:54 Lack of drive. Now the question is, what helps? And there they are, yes, there are the spirits crying out.
0:16:54 – 0:17:03 Some say pills helped me, others say psychotherapy helped me. me
0:17:03 – 0:17:10 Say it helped me both. First of all, thank God, depression is
0:17:10 – 0:17:18 curable. It takes time, because it doesn't come from now on like a broken one.
0:17:18 – 0:17:25 Poor, but it also develops for a longer time and just as or even longer needs
0:17:25 – 0:17:34 It's also a depression until it's over. There are different ways. The psychotherapy,
0:17:34 – 0:17:42 First and foremost, cognitive behavioral therapy is recommended. It stops,
0:17:42 – 0:17:52 Thought patterns are recognized and, if necessary, changed. On very rough lines. It's a lot
0:17:52 – 0:17:59 work. There's a lot of conversation to it. You have to recognize your problems and your construction sites and
0:17:59 – 0:18:09 Then, by asking specific questions, know where to start and make changes. As I said,
0:18:09 – 0:18:21 It's really lengthy. In-depth psychological therapy, where childhood relationship patterns or even
0:18:21 – 0:18:30 Conflicts, even if they are internal conflicts, are analyzed and attempted to be resolved.
0:18:30 – 0:18:38 It's also a very lengthy thing. Yes, and then there are also online therapy programs,
0:18:38 – 0:18:45 But I can't say much about that, because that didn't exist in my time, where I was actively involved.
0:18:45 – 0:18:55 It was treatment. I just have for myself
0:18:55 – 0:18:59 a mixture of cognitive behavioral therapy and
0:18:59 – 0:19:02 Deep psychological therapy.
0:19:02 – 0:19:05 By the way, that helped me a lot. me
0:19:05 – 0:19:07 I am over a lot of things at this time.
0:19:07 – 0:19:10 I became aware, above all, of my
0:19:10 – 0:19:10 Strengths and weaknesses.
0:19:10 – 0:19:18 Then, of course, there are the medications. I said yes, there is once psychotherapy and to the
0:19:18 – 0:19:28 others the drug treatment. The technical term here is antidepressants. Basically, they are
0:19:28 – 0:19:38 Mostly serotonmin reuptake inhibitors. They help to stabilize brain metabolism.
0:19:38 – 0:19:48 Unfortunately, they need due to the iron-out of our brain and the blood-brain barrier
0:19:48 – 0:19:55 or barrier more precisely, but usually four to six weeks, until the active substance at all
0:19:55 – 0:20:01 arrives in the brain. There you can see, so pain pill works, if I'm lucky,
0:20:01 – 0:20:07 15-20 minutes later. This stuff takes an eternity to get to the brain.
0:20:07 – 0:20:15 Of course, the intake must be made regularly, of course, also have side effects.
0:20:15 – 0:20:22 I can still remember extreme dry mouth and I sweated more.
0:20:22 – 0:20:26 These are little things now.
0:20:26 – 0:20:33 So after the, I'd say after four weeks, I already have a change
0:20:33 – 0:20:41 After six weeks, I have seen a significant improvement in my situation. I was also
0:20:41 – 0:20:46 Much more able to participate in life somehow. That really helped me.
0:20:46 – 0:20:55 Then there are supportive measures. Many swear by exercise, walks at
0:20:55 – 0:21:06 Daylight. Daylight works wonders, especially when it hits the skin. Everyday life more structure
0:21:06 – 0:21:13 Introduce small routines, reward yourself again and again with small things.
0:21:13 – 0:21:21 In therapy, it is often said that they are allowed to reward themselves, but it must not cost anything and
0:21:21 – 0:21:26 For the most part, this must have nothing to do with food, which then becomes difficult again and again,
0:21:26 – 0:21:30 How to Reward Yourself When You're Not Creative
0:21:30 – 0:21:39 Develop rewards for yourself. Which has helped me a lot and also some people,
0:21:39 – 0:21:48 The one I've met is a creative expression. Writing, painting, making music and
0:21:48 – 0:21:56 Anything else that doesn't exist can be really liberating and maybe even liberating.
0:21:56 – 0:22:00 From time to time, there are signs of internal conflict.
0:22:00 – 0:22:06 What kind of crazy pictures did I paint during my therapy time in occupational therapy?
0:22:06 – 0:22:09 That helped me.
0:22:09 – 0:22:21 And last but not least, if you are not currently in a clinic, self-help programs, whether online
0:22:21 – 0:22:29 or stop where you really meet yourself, private or stop in public space, can also help,
0:22:29 – 0:22:34 because you see there, you're not alone and it's amazing how many people suffer from depression
0:22:34 – 0:22:43 suffering. Little insider, once you have dealt with yourself so intensively,
0:22:43 – 0:22:51 When you walk around outside, you will see so many people who really help and support you.
0:22:51 – 0:22:58 They could use it, but they actually know it and wonder why they are doing great things here and there in life.
0:22:58 – 0:23:04 have problems. And here we come to the next point. How do you live with depression?
0:23:04 – 0:23:15 Some people experience only one episode in their entire lives and after years of struggle,
0:23:15 – 0:23:21 I don't want to say, but after years of recovery, they live a life without any
0:23:21 – 0:23:32 More incidents. Other people are always experiencing episodes. I also have
0:23:32 – 0:23:38 I've had several episodes in my life and I'm sure I'll still have some in my life.
0:23:38 – 0:23:45 That's the way it is and I can't change anything about it. The only important thing is that I recognize early enough,
0:23:45 – 0:23:52 What's the matter and what to do about it. It is important to remember that living with depression is not
0:23:52 – 0:24:04 Failure. It's a disease. She can meet anyone and it's an act of strength, every day with it.
0:24:04 – 0:24:15 It's also a process to get to know yourself when you're working on yourself.
0:24:15 – 0:24:23 There is a quote from a dear fellow patient, who at the end shortly before his
0:24:23 – 0:24:31 Dismissal said he had learned not to fight against himself, but to fight with himself.
0:24:31 – 0:24:40 He worked because he always had the fear or the feeling that he would not be able to do enough in life.
0:24:40 – 0:24:48 And that's nice when this burden is taken from one's back, which he himself
0:24:48 – 0:24:57 had worked out. Your successes like getting up, showering, shopping are big steps and they
0:24:57 – 0:25:07 They deserve recognition and no comparison. What does that mean? When I am in a depressive phase
0:25:07 – 0:25:14 I am and I find it difficult to get up alone just because I have to go to the toilet,
0:25:14 – 0:25:22 then it is even more difficult to do the profane shower. And when I pick myself up
0:25:22 – 0:25:30 I have and have showered, then I have done something and this should be acknowledged,
0:25:30 – 0:25:36 Not from anyone outside. It is also very important that I acknowledge that I am rewarding myself.
0:25:36 – 0:25:43 I'm proud of myself for being able to do that. And it really is a big step,
0:25:43 – 0:25:49 That they did that. You have overcome the inner hog and that deserves recognition.
0:25:49 – 0:25:54 Don't look, everyone else can do it. This is not a big thing,
0:25:54 – 0:26:00 That's not a gossip. No, they don't have the problem you have. They are yes
0:26:00 – 0:26:08 Not depressed. It's easy for them. They just do it. When you first have to pick yourself up
0:26:08 – 0:26:17 and then you sit on the edge of the bed for 20 minutes and need to gather enough strength that you
0:26:17 – 0:26:23 Going to the bathroom and taking a shower is a great achievement and deserves recognition.
0:26:23 – 0:26:29 And then we get to the point, which is always a bit, let's say,
0:26:29 – 0:26:37 is borderline. relatives. There are people who have the talent to always do the right thing.
0:26:37 – 0:26:43 To be empathetic and empathetic. And then there are people where it's just the opposite.
0:26:43 – 0:26:55 Sentences like "you have to be able to do that", "others can do that" are totally counterproductive
0:26:55 – 0:27:03 and bring nothing. What really helps is being there, listening, and most importantly,
0:27:03 – 0:27:11 not to be evaluated, quasi an open and affirmative communication, active listening
0:27:11 – 0:27:22 For people who know. Encourage them to do something. Also encourage professional help
0:27:22 – 0:27:34 to look for. It is also very important to be patient and accept setbacks as someone who
0:27:34 – 0:27:41 who supports someone with depression in this way and does not evaluate these things.
0:27:41 – 0:27:51 So then, I could do that. That was a crap. No, don't. I said before,
0:27:51 – 0:27:59 Sayings like "Get together" or the well-intentioned "This will come again"
0:27:59 – 0:28:09 Nothing at all and very bad is either putting pressure or blaming. I know,
0:28:09 – 0:28:18 that some people tend to put a little pressure on false love,
0:28:18 – 0:28:24 It may be the opposite, but it's the opposite that keeps people going.
0:28:24 – 0:28:31 Retirement because it's an overload. It always helped me to know,
0:28:31 – 0:28:40 that there is someone I can rely on, and if I need him, if I need him,
0:28:40 – 0:28:50 That it is tangible for me and that I do not have to go through such situations alone. This
0:28:50 – 0:28:56 It really helped me. One topic that needs to be talked about is – and for many, this can be
0:28:56 – 0:29:05 Family members are really difficult – suicidal thoughts. And yes, I have suicidal thoughts myself
0:29:05 – 0:29:13 have had in my life and can say that this is not easy for a self or even for a
0:29:13 – 0:29:20 relatives. I remember that my parents were very horrified about it, as then so slowly
0:29:20 – 0:29:28 The subject came to the table. Depression, hospital, that's no longer possible. me
0:29:28 – 0:29:36 Think about taking my life. Yeah, that wasn't easy. In a depression can
0:29:36 – 0:29:44 you are so desperate that the meaning of life is no longer there and above all,
0:29:44 – 0:29:53 Death offers itself as a simple solution to end suffering. That's what I said
0:29:53 – 0:30:02 In the beginning. And this thought can be very tempting because no one wants to suffer. And then offer
0:30:02 – 0:30:11 Stop it. It's just that you need a lot of courage. Because everything
0:30:11 – 0:30:18 All in one and all in one resists it. And believe me, as a paramedic I have
0:30:18 – 0:30:26 It often shows how much the body resists it. The human body wants to live.
0:30:26 – 0:30:35 It's like that. If you find yourself in such a situation, be sure to talk to relatives about it.
0:30:35 – 0:30:44 If you, as a relative, feel that there is someone around you who has suicidal thoughts,
0:30:44 – 0:30:53 Talk to him about it. Offer him help. There are crisis phones. You can take him to the emergency room,
0:30:53 – 0:31:00 You can go to the doctor with him and he doesn't have to stay alone.
0:31:00 – 0:31:05 You don't have to stay alone. Find adequate help quickly.
0:31:05 – 0:31:15 If you can't, ask someone. As a family member, you can also ask questions.
0:31:15 – 0:31:20 Do you sometimes think about sharing and doing something to yourself?
0:31:20 – 0:31:31 It can actually save lives. And you can, if you feel like you don't know any further,
0:31:31 – 0:31:40 Also talk to your family doctor, as a relative or call the care phone. It is free of charge,
0:31:40 – 0:31:49 It's anonymous. On the Internet there are also offers such as www.depression.de. There you will find
0:31:49 – 0:32:00 Quick info and help. Last but not least, hope. This is also part of the truth.
0:32:00 – 0:32:07 Depression can affect a part of your life, but it's not your whole life.
0:32:07 – 0:32:15 Life, your whole identity. Many people learn to live with her. They discover ways,
0:32:15 – 0:32:23 Confessing yourself with more compassion. There are relapses, yes, but there is also light.
0:32:23 – 0:32:32 And that's so important to admit that you have weaknesses, that you need help. But
0:32:32 – 0:32:43 There is also a light at the end of the tunnel and you will eventually understand that you are better off.
0:32:43 – 0:32:52 Go on, you'll feel it too. And if you've worked with yourself, you'll be better off.
0:32:52 – 0:32:59 I've never met anyone who hasn't made it, unless they have their own.
0:32:59 – 0:33:05 Suicide has changed. Unfortunately, I also experienced this and it was also a great experience for me as a fellow patient.
0:33:05 – 0:33:13 And finally, I'd like to give you a quote from someone I've been waiting for.
0:33:13 – 0:33:19 I got to know a therapy. I'm not healed, but I'm alive. And that's more,
0:33:19 – 0:33:28 than I ever thought possible for myself." I thank you for this episode
0:33:28 – 0:33:34 You listened. Maybe it was a bit hard, maybe it was also in places
0:33:34 – 0:33:42 It's unbearable to listen to me, for whatever reason. It may have been a relief or
0:33:42 – 0:33:50 opened your eyes. If you are affected yourself, you are not alone. This
0:33:50 – 0:33:57 I really want to recommend you. If you know someone who is depressed,
0:33:57 – 0:34:08 Your patience and compassion can be a lifeline. Throw him, help him.
0:34:08 – 0:34:18 And I would like to thank you for sharing the first episode of Silent Silence.
0:34:18 – 0:34:32 I have listened to it and will do so on a regular basis. I don't know if I have the time
0:34:32 – 0:34:40 I have to, but there are other formats on this podcast. So thank you for
0:34:40 – 0:34:45 Your attention and until next time. Your Sasha. Bye bye.
0:34:45 – 0:34:47 [Music]
0:34:47 – 0:34:50 [Music]
0:34:50 – 0:34:56 [Music]
0:34:56 – 0:35:02 [Music]
0:35:02 – 0:35:08 [Music]
0:35:08 – 0:35:14 [Music]
0:35:14 – 0:35:17 [Music]
0:35:17 – 0:35:23 [Music]
0:35:23 – 0:35:29 [Music]
0:35:29 – 0:35:35 [Music]
0:35:35 – 0:35:41 [Music]
0:35:41 – 0:35:44 [Music]
0:35:44 – 0:35:50 [Music]
0:35:50 – 0:35:56 [Music]
0:35:56 – 0:36:02 [Music]
0:36:02 – 0:36:08 [Music]
0:36:08 – 0:36:11 [Music]
0:36:11 – 0:36:17 [Music]
0:36:17 – 0:36:23 [Music]
0:36:23 – 0:36:29 [Music]
0:36:29 – 0:36:35 [Music]
0:36:35 – 0:36:38 [Music]
0:36:38 – 0:36:44 [Music]
0:36:44 – 0:36:50 [Music]
0:36:50 – 0:36:56 [Music]
0:36:56 – 0:37:03 [Music]
0:37:03 – 0:37:06 [Music]
0:37:06 – 0:37:12 [Music]
0:37:12 – 0:37:18 [Music]
0:37:18 – 0:37:24 [Music]
0:37:24 – 0:37:30 [Music]
0:37:30 – 0:37:33 [Music]
0:37:33 – 0:37:39 [Music]
0:37:39 – 0:37:45 [Music]
0:37:45 – 0:37:51 [Music]
0:37:51 – 0:37:57 [Music]
0:37:57 – 0:38:03 [Music]
0:38:03 – 0:38:05 [silence]

In this episode, we talk about depression – one of the most common but also the most invisible mental illnesses. What Exactly Is Depression? How does it feel? What really helps – and how can you support as a relative? With gentle words, many examples and respectful depth, we pursue these questions.

Help and Links

📞 telephone counselling: https://www.telefonseelsorge.de (free & anonymous)
🌐 Deutsche Depressionshilfe: https://www.deutsche-depressionshilfe.de

books

My black dog: How I put my depression on a leash: Johnstone, Matthew, Lindquist, Thomas: Amazon.com: books
Matthew Johnstone illustrates in this book the experience of depression through the metaphor of a ‘black dog’. With impressive illustrations and sensitive texts, he offers those affected and relatives an understandable approach to the topic and shows ways to deal with the disease.
Get rid of depression and burnout: How mental lows really arise, and what you can do about it : Bernhardt, Klaus: Amazon.com: books
In his book, Klaus Bernhardt explains how depression and burnout arise and presents methods to counteract these conditions. Based on the latest scientific findings, he offers practical exercises and strategies for self-help.

Note: The links above are affiliate links. When you buy through these links, we receive a small commission that helps us to support our work – there is no additional cost for you.

Glossary of Important Terms About Depression

Depression

A serious mental illness characterized by persistently depressed mood, severe lack of drive, and loss of pleasure and interest. It concerns thinking, feeling and acting – and often also the body.

Serotonin

A chemical messenger in the brain that controls feelings such as contentment, calmness and balance. Deficiency can promote depressive moods.

antidepressants

Drugs designed to stabilize the balance of messengers in the brain. They have a mood-enhancing effect, need time to work and should be taken accompanied by a doctor.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

A widespread form of psychotherapy. It helps to recognize, question and gradually change stressful thought patterns. Objective: More self-efficacy and emotional stability.

Depth psychological therapy

This form of therapy seeks the causes of psychological stress in unconscious conflicts, often from childhood. The aim is to better understand oneself – and to find new ways of dealing with oneself and others.

anhedonia

A common symptom of depression: the inability to feel joy or lust – even for things that used to be important or beautiful.

Remission

A term from medicine: Describes the temporary or persistent abatement of disease symptoms. Depression can be in remission – that is, it is alleviated, but not automatically ‘cured’.

suicidal thoughts

Thoughts of wanting to end life. They can be an expression of deep despair and are a serious warning sign. Talking openly about it can save lives.

Self-help group

A protected space where people with similar experiences exchange, listen and support each other – without assessment, on an equal footing.

relapse

The recurrence of a disease after a period of improvement. Relapses are not a weakness – they are part of the process of many chronic diseases. The key is to get support again.