{"id":9725,"date":"2025-11-06T10:31:00","date_gmt":"2025-11-06T09:31:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/?p=9725"},"modified":"2025-11-03T22:45:41","modified_gmt":"2025-11-03T21:45:41","slug":"wenn-partner-zu-triggern-werden-borderline-narzissmus-und-die-herausforderung-der-kommunikation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/en\/wenn-partner-zu-triggern-werden-borderline-narzissmus-und-die-herausforderung-der-kommunikation\/","title":{"rendered":"When partners become triggers: Borderline, Narcissism and the Challenge of Communication"},"content":{"rendered":"<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes it is not the world out there that stresses us the most \u2013 but the person we love.<br>In relationships where one or both partners live with a personality disorder, such as: <span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Borderline-Pers\u00f6nlichkeitsst\u00f6rung\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">Borderline<\/span> or <span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Narzisstische Pers\u00f6nlichkeitsst\u00f6rung\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">narcissism<\/span> \u2013, proximity can quickly become a powder keg. Words, gestures, or even silence can suddenly become <span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Trigger (Medizin)\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">triggering<\/span> will be. And what originally began as a conversation ends in retreat, anger, tears, or silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<!--more-->\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This article explains: <strong>why<\/strong> That is so, <strong>how<\/strong> These triggers are created and <strong>What concrete communication strategies<\/strong> Help to defuse conflicts before they escalate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. What does it mean when a partner becomes a trigger?<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A \u2018trigger\u2019 is a trigger \u2013 something that evokes a strong emotional response.<br>For people with an <strong>Borderline Personality Disorder (BPS)<\/strong> This can be, for example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>A certain tone of voice (\u2018You're so sensitive again\u2019)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Ignorance or Silence in Dispute<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Changes in proximity or attention (\u2018Why did you write less yesterday?\u2019)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Criticism, even if it is objective<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">For <strong>Narcissistic personality traits<\/strong> or one <strong>Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPS)<\/strong> Other things act as triggers:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Perceived insults or rejections<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Loss of control or admiration<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Situations where one\u2019s own image is threatened (\u2018I am not good enough\u2019 \u2192 anger or withdrawal)<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Criticism that attacks self-esteem<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Both disorders \u2013 borderline and narcissism \u2013 have one thing in common:<br>Respond to emotional insecurity <strong>overcompensation<\/strong>.<br>While borderline sufferers are afraid of being abandoned, narcissists fear losing their superiority or control.<br>They both feel fast in crisis. <strong>fainted<\/strong> \u2013 and this powerlessness often manifests itself in communication patterns that hurt the partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. When two trigger systems meet<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A typical example:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Example 1:<\/strong><br>Anna (Borderline) doesn't feel seen by Tom (with narcissistic features). She writes to him:<br>\u201cYou never contact me on your own, I don\u2019t care.\u201d<br>Tom reacts coolly: \u201cAlways this drama, I have a life too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anna feels rejected \u2192 withdraws or cries \u2192 Tom feels this as manipulation \u2192 reacts with defense or mockery.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A cycle is created.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Both partners see the other as the \u2018trigger\u2019.<br>In fact, they are <strong>both triggered<\/strong> \u2013 only in different ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Anna through <strong>Feeling of emotional distance<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Tom through <strong>Feelings of constriction or criticism<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So the key is <strong>Not in the behavior itself<\/strong>, but in the <strong>internal importance<\/strong>, which each partner gives to this behavior.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3. The most common communication traps<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">a) <strong>Defense instead of understanding<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When someone hears criticism, they often react immediately with justification (\u2018I didn't do anything!\u2019).<br>This makes the other person feel rejected \u2013 and louder, more emotional or more accusatory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2192 <strong>Better:<\/strong> Be aware of the emotional content before reacting.<br>Example:<br>\u201cYou're right, it may have come across as distant. I didn't mean to hurt you.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">b) <strong>Silence as Protection<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Many are withdrawing to avoid dispute. For Borderliners, however, silence can seem like an emotional death knell.<br>It is perceived as a rejection, not an attempt at reassurance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2192 <strong>Alternative:<\/strong> Verbal silence<br>Example:<br>\u201cI see that I am just overwhelmed. I need a 30-minute break, so we can keep talking.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">c) <strong>Emotional retaliation<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If one was injured, he reacts with the same coin:<br>\u201cYou were cold \u2013 now I am too!\u201d<br>This is how the spiral escalates.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2192 <strong>Better:<\/strong> Injury name, not mirror.<br>Example:<br>\u201cI was hurt when you withdrew. I need closeness, not distance.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. Why communication with borderline or narcissistic partners is so difficult<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Both disorders change perception in social interactions.<br>A sentence can be understood in completely different ways, depending on the \u2018filter\u2019 through which it is heard.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table\"><table class=\"has-fixed-layout\"><thead><tr><th>Situation<\/th><th>Borderline filter<\/th><th>Narcissism filter<\/th><\/tr><\/thead><tbody><tr><td>Partner is still<\/td><td>\"He hates me, he doesn't care about me\"<\/td><td>\u201cI'm annoyed, he wants to control me\u201d<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>critique<\/td><td>\u201cI am bad, not adorable\u201d<\/td><td>\u2018How dare he criticise me?\u2019<\/td><\/tr><tr><td>retreating<\/td><td>\"I'm Abandoned\"<\/td><td>\u201cI need control, otherwise I will lose myself\u201d<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This means:<br><strong>The same sentence can cause completely different emotional explosions in two people.<\/strong><br>Those who understand this can better classify conflicts \u2013 and communicate in a more targeted way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. The Art of De-escalation: Step-by-step<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Step 1: <strong>Detect triggers<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Everyone should know: <em>What brings me out of balance?<\/em><br>\u2192 Example: \u2018If you don\u2019t answer me, I feel worthless.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Step 2: <strong>Tell triggers<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Make it clear to your partner what is happening to you \u2013 without blaming them.<br>\u2192 \u2018If you withdraw, it makes me unsure. Can you tell us a little bit when you need time?\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Step 3: <strong>Taking responsibility<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Acknowledge that your feeling <em>yours<\/em> is \u2013 the partner triggers it, but does not cause it intentionally.<br>\u2192 \u2018I know this is my old pattern. I am working on it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Step 4: <strong>I-messages instead of you-attack<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2018You're always so cold\u2019 \u2192 Attack<br>\u201cI feel alone when you get quiet\u201d \u2192 Need<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Step 5: <strong>Allow for breaks<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In heated moments, no argument helps.<br>\u2192 Agrees a code word such as \u2018Stop\u2019 or \u2018Reset\u2019 to take a breath.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img data-dominant-color=\"150e38\" data-has-transparency=\"false\" style=\"--dominant-color: #150e38;\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"700\" height=\"1244\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" src=\"https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Borderline-und-Narzissmus2-700x1244.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-9727 not-transparent\" srcset=\"https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Borderline-und-Narzissmus2-700x1244.jpg 700w, https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Borderline-und-Narzissmus2-169x300.jpg 169w, https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Borderline-und-Narzissmus2-768x1365.jpg 768w, https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/11\/Borderline-und-Narzissmus2.jpg 864w\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">6. Practical communication aids in conflict situations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">a) <strong>The \"three-minute principle\"<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Both may <strong>maximum 3 minutes<\/strong> Speaking in one go \u2013 without interruption.<br>The other person then briefly repeats what he has understood.<br>\u2192 So the focus remains on understanding, not on victory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">b) <strong>The \u201cprotocol meeting\u201d<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Helpful for couples with impulsivity or forgetfulness:<br>You write along punctually during the conversation.<br>\u2192 This prevents someone from saying afterwards: \u201cI never said that!\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">c) <strong>Instead of being right: Feeling seen<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Many discussions are not about facts, but about <em>Feelings of value, closeness or control.<\/em><br>\u2192 Example:<br>\u201cI know you didn't mean anything bad to me. But it reminded me of something old.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">d) <strong>Practicing self-regulation<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">When you feel your pulse rising:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Run cold water over your hand<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Breathe deeply for 10 seconds<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>phrase such as: Repeat \"I am in the here and now\"<br>\u2192 First <em>after<\/em> Speaking.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">7. When both sides are injured<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">In relationships between borderline and narcissistic proportions, a <strong>Emotional interaction<\/strong>:<br>One seeks closeness, the other distance.<br>One wants security, the other wants control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u2192 Example 2:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Lisa (Borderline):<\/strong> \u201cWhy did you read my message but did not reply?\u201d<br><strong>Mark (narcissistic):<\/strong> \u2018Because I have no desire to constantly justify myself.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Lisa is crying, Mark is leaving. Both feel misunderstood.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This does not help to blame, but <strong>Understanding of the different perceptions<\/strong>:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Lisa needs emotional reassurance.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Mark needs space to maintain autonomy.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One solution can be:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">\u201cI see that you just need some distance. Please tell me when you want to speak again \u2013 this will help me not to panic.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">8. Realistic expectations<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">No one can be permanent <em>trigger-free<\/em> Communicate.<br>The goal is <strong>not<\/strong>, Never having to fight again, but <strong>Faster Return to Connection<\/strong> to find.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Communication is not talent, it is training.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Emotional security is not created by perfection, but by repetition of respect.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Sentence to take away:<\/strong><br>\u201cWe are two injured people trying not to hurt each other in the same places.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">9. When Professional Help Makes Sense<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">If conflicts are constantly escalating, blame is consolidated, or violence (verbal or physical) occurs, couples therapy or individual therapy is highly advisable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Forms of assistance:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li><span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Dialektisch-Behaviorale Therapie\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">Dialectical behavioral therapy<\/span> (DBT) at Borderline<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li><span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Schematherapie\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">Schematic therapy<\/span> or <span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Verhaltenstherapie\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">Behavioral therapy<\/span> for narcissistic patterns<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Couple counseling with focus on emotion regulation<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Sometimes a neutral third party is enough to defuse the dynamics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">10. Conclusion: Communication as a Mirror of Wounds<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Triggers are not enemies \u2013 they show where our mental scars lie.<br>When partners become triggers for each other, this is not a sign of incompatibility, but an indication of unhealthy topics.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Anyone who takes these signals seriously can consider relationship as <strong>Growth area<\/strong> understand:<br>Not to treat each other, but to learn together, <em>Talk to each other differently.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\">\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Communication does not heal wounds.<br>But it prevents them from tearing up again and again.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>Concrete exercise at the end:<\/strong><br>Write three sentences to each other:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>When I feel safe is \u2026<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What triggers me is \u2026<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>What helps me in crises is \u2026<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Read it out loud \u2013 not to discuss, but to understand.<br>This is the basis of healing in relationships where triggers do not have to mean separation \u2013 but a path to more awareness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">\ud83d\udcda Further reading tips: Communication, borderline &amp; narcissism<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>1\ufe0f\u20e3 Borderline and Narcissism - How people strive for love and admiration<\/strong><br>\ud83d\udd8b <em>Elinor Greenberg<\/em><br>\u27a1\ufe0f <a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/49vCXYb\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">View now on Amazon<\/a><br>A practical book about emotional needs, triggers and relationship dynamics in borderline and narcissistic patterns. Combines psychology with everyday examples \u2013 understandable and profound at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>2\ufe0f\u20e3 Is it narcissism, borderline or bipolar?<\/strong><br>\ud83d\udd8b <em>Chelsea D. Lusk<\/em><br>\u27a1\ufe0f <a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/49B8mIJ\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">View now on Amazon<\/a><br>A clear, humorous guide to distinguishing and overlapping typical behavior patterns. Ideal to better understand trigger responses and learn how communication doesn't end in drama.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><strong>3\ufe0f\u20e3 When love hurts - Communication guide for partners in borderline relationships<\/strong><br>\ud83d\udd8b <em>Sabine Mertens<\/em><br>\u27a1\ufe0f <a href=\"https:\/\/amzn.to\/3JG267Y\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noreferrer noopener\">View now on Amazon<\/a><br>Compact guide focusing on conversational techniques, border setting and emotional stability in relationships with borderline involvement \u2013 concrete, empathic, helpful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Transparency note:<\/em><br>This post may contain affiliate links. If you buy something through one of these links, we will receive a small commission \u2013 at no extra cost to you. So you directly support the work on blog, podcast and music. Thank you very much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">\ud83d\udcd8 Glossary: Technical terms simply explained<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>triggers<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">One <em>triggers<\/em> Trigger is a stimulus that evokes a strong emotional response \u2013 often because it unconsciously recalls a previous trauma or painful experience.<br>Example: If someone was often ignored in childhood, silence of the partner can later trigger a feeling of abandonment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Borderline Personality Disorder (BPS)<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A mental disorder caused by <strong>unstable relationships, intense emotions, impulsivity and strong black-and-white thinking<\/strong> is marked.<br>People with BPS often fluctuate between the desire for closeness and the fear of rejection.<br>Typical are extreme mood swings, self-doubt and strong fears of loss.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Narcissistic personality disorder (NPS)<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A deep-rooted disorder of self-esteem that is caused by <strong>excessive need for admiration, sensitivity to criticism<\/strong> and <strong>Lack of empathy<\/strong> shows.<br>Behind the facade of strength or arrogance is often a fragile self-esteem.<br>Not everyone with \u2018narcissistic traits\u2019 automatically has an NPS \u2013 it is a spectrum.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Trigger system<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Describes the individual psychic reaction patterns that are activated by certain situations.<br>Example: A person who was often criticised as a child reacts excessively to criticism as an adult, even if it is objective.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Emotion regulation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The ability to perceive, understand and control strong feelings without being overwhelmed by them.<br>In borderline or narcissistic structures, this ability is often impaired \u2013 feelings tip faster and more violently.<br>Emotion regulation can be learned therapeutically, for example through mindfulness or DBT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy)<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A special form of behavioral therapy developed by <strong>Marsha M. Linehan<\/strong>, which is particularly effective in borderline personality disorder.<br>It combines mindfulness, emotion regulation, stress management and interpersonal skills.<br>DBT helps to understand, name and express strong feelings in a controlled way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Schematic therapy<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A psychotherapeutic method that assumes that we all carry \u2018life schemes\u2019 (patterns from childhood experiences) within us.<br>These schemas influence how we experience relationships and respond to conflicts.<br>Example: An \u2018abandonment scheme\u2019 causes someone to be hypersensitive to distance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>I-messages<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A form of communication in which one expresses one's own feelings and needs instead of making accusations.<br>Example:<br>\u274c \u2018You are always so cold!\u2019<br>\u2705 \u201cI feel alone when you withdraw.\u201d<br>This makes communication less confrontational and promotes understanding.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>dissociation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A psychological protective mechanism in which a person \"decouples\" internally in order not to feel too strong emotions or stress.<br>You then feel empty, deaf or like \u2018not right there\u2019.<br>Borderline is often used in extreme situations.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>de-escalation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Strategies to calm a heated situation.<br>This includes, for example, a pause in conversation, a neutral tone, the recognition of one's own triggers or the conscious renunciation of blame.<br>Objective: Connection instead of defense.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Self-perception<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The ability to recognize and correctly classify one's own feelings, thoughts and needs.<br>Without self-awareness, communication can quickly turn into projections (\u2018you are to blame for making me feel bad\u2019).<br>Training through reflection, diary, therapy or mindfulness exercises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Black and white thinking<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A pattern of thinking that fluctuates between extremes \u2013 \u2018all or nothing\u2019, \u2018good or evil\u2019.<br>Typical of borderline is this \u2018splitting\u2019, which makes relationships unstable.<br>Example: A partner is idealised first (\u2018You are perfect!\u2019) and devalued shortly thereafter (\u2018You are like everyone else!\u2019).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Gaslighting<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A psychological manipulation mechanism in which someone makes the other person doubt their perception (\u2018You only imagined that\u2019).<br>Often occurs in toxic relationships with narcissistic patterns.<br>The goal is to retain power and ward off responsibility.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>compensation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A psychological mechanism in which people try to compensate for internal insecurities through external behavior.<br>Example: A person with low self-esteem compensates for this by arrogance or excessive motivation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>validation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Means: Take each other's feelings seriously without judging them.<br>Example:<br>\u201cI can understand that you feel hurt.\u201d<br>\u2192 instead of: \u201cDon't exaggerate now!\u201d<br>Validation is a core technology of DBT and crucial for trusting communication.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>affect<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The <em>affect<\/em> describes a strong short-term emotional state (e.g. anger, fear, shame).<br>In emotionally charged relationships, emotions can become so intense that rational communication is hardly possible.<br>The goal of therapy is to perceive emotions without being controlled by them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Self-esteem regulation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The inner mechanism by which we keep our self-image stable.<br>For narcissistic structures, this regulation is disrupted \u2013 external recognition becomes necessary to feel \u2018good\u2019.<br>Criticism or rejection can then be experienced as an existential threat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>coherence<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The feeling of inner coherence \u2013 when thinking, feeling and acting go together.<br>Missing <span data-wikipedia-preview=\"\" data-wp-title=\"Koh\u00e4renz (Psychologie)\" data-wp-lang=\"de\" class=\"wmf-wp-with-preview\">coherence<\/span>, It creates inner tension or confusion.<br>Communication then often becomes contradictory or ambivalent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Affective resonance<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The ability to intuitively feel and empathize with the emotions of others.<br>Borderline sufferers often have a very high resonance capacity \u2013 they perceive tensions immediately, which can be stressful at the same time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>mentalisation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The ability to understand the thoughts, feelings, and intentions of others (and yourself).<br>If this ability is absent in conflicts, the behavior of the partner is misinterpreted.<br>Example: \u2018He doesn\u2019t talk to me\u2019 \u2192 is interpreted as \u2018He hates me\u2019 instead of \u2018He just needs rest\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Affective disregulation<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A state where emotions are no longer controllable \u2013 they \u2018flood\u2019 people.<br>Typical for acute borderline crises: Anger, despair or panic arise for no apparent external reason.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Therapeutic alliance<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The relationship of trust between therapist:in and client:in.<br>A stable alliance has been shown to improve the chances of recovery, especially for personality disorders where attachment uncertainty is a key issue.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>Relationship dynamics<\/strong><\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The interaction of both partners in emotional, communicative and psychological terms.<br>Borderline narcissism constellations often create a \u2018dance between proximity and distance\u2019 that reinforces each other.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">\ud83e\ude76 Conclusion to the Glossary<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">This glossary is intended to help make complex psychological terms comprehensible without flattening them out. It can be as <strong>Accompanying text<\/strong> read your article so that readers without a professional background can understand the dynamics between borderline, narcissism and communication.<\/p>\n<div class=\"gsp_post_data\" \r\n\t            data-post_type=\"post\" \r\n\t            data-cat=\"allgemein,lautfunk-blog-beitrag,psychische-themen\" \r\n\t            data-modified=\"120\"\r\n\t            data-created=\"1762425060\"\r\n\t            data-title=\"Wenn Partner zu Triggern werden: Borderline, Narzissmus und die Herausforderung der Kommunikation\" \r\n\t            data-home=\"https:\/\/lautfunk.uber.space\/en\"><\/div><div class=\"syndication-links\"><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cHow to talk to each other despite emotional injuries \u2013 concrete strategies and examples for couples with personality shares\u201d<\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":9726,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"googlesitekit_rrm_CAow58y7DA:productID":"","wikipediapreview_detectlinks":true,"wprm-recipe-roundup-name":"","wprm-recipe-roundup-description":"","mf2_syndication":[],"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"everybody","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"webmentions_disabled_pings":false,"webmentions_disabled":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"activitypub_content_warning":"","activitypub_content_visibility":"","activitypub_max_image_attachments":4,"activitypub_interaction_policy_quote":"anyone","activitypub_status":"federated","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"Wenn N\u00e4he pl\u00f6tzlich schmerzt: In Beziehungen mit Borderline- oder narzisstischen Anteilen k\u00f6nnen Worte zu Waffen und Schweigen zu Wunden werden. Dieser Beitrag zeigt mit konkreten Beispielen, wie Kommunikation in Krisen gelingt \u2013 ohne Schuldzuweisung, aber mit Klarheit, Achtsamkeit und Verst\u00e4ndnis f\u00fcr die Trigger des anderen.\n#Borderline #Narzissmus #Kommunikation #Beziehung #Trigger","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1,994,1505],"tags":[176,447,649,2152,1444,1857,1908,1489,1480,2148],"class_list":["post-9725","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-allgemein","category-lautfunk-blog-beitrag","category-psychische-themen","tag-beziehung","tag-borderline","tag-kommunikation","tag-konfliktloesung","tag-lautfunk","tag-narzissmus","tag-paartherapie","tag-psychologie","tag-selbstreflexion","tag-trigger"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Wenn Partner zu Triggern werden: Borderline, Narzissmus und die Herausforderung der Kommunikation - LautFunk Podcast &amp; 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