This morning, after getting up, I thought: “Oh great, the same thing every day. I get up and then have to be careful not to step on a cat.” I then go to the toilet and sometimes a cat comes to the bathroom and then disappears.
When this is done, I take care of the physical well-being of the little cats. I always have to be careful not to step on them or fall. Then I take care of the fresh vomit of the cats, because the food came so late – it is almost a defiance reaction. (I wonder what wild cats do, because the food doesn't come to them.)
Then I make myself coffee and breakfast. I have to make sure again that I don't step on the cats, because now there could be delicious sausage or cheese, and when that is done and everything is prepared, I take care of my medication and everything around it.
Yes, and then I can finally eat, with at least 6 hungry cat eyes watching me. As if they didn't have something to eat before, but that animals beg for food, surely every pet owner knows. That's why there's something delicious for them from the table.
Then follow the normal thing you do. household and PC – including preparing, writing, and, and, and. I'll do that until 7 p.m. In between, I make myself something to eat again and still have to make sure that I do not step on the cats.
They are hungry from 5 p.m. and usually get something to eat between 6 p.m. and 7 p.m. But if I do something, it just has to be better for the cats. Their food is usually more expensive than what I eat.
Then I go to the living room and do the Lappy and look there, what is going on in the net. Sometimes I prepare something for the podcast, blog or new videos. I usually go to sleep between 10 p.m. and 11 p.m.
That's what I do every day, unless I have appointments or visits. Then one or the other shifts, but basically this happens every day and now for the first time I thought: “Oh no, the same thing every day. Always the same shit.”
A few weeks ago, it made me feel safe. As a borderliner, such rituals make sense, because I have something that is the same every day. That gave me security, but why has it been different for a few days?
I don't like it anymore. I want more spontaneity in my life. I don't want to know what I'm going to eat for the next 7 days because it's basically the same thing anyway. Even the quantities are identical. Normal is something else.
Since there have been such blatant changes in my life, I actually thought that now I will become even more eccentric and have even more rituals, to at least have that as a constant when my father is no longer there, but exactly the opposite has happened.
I don't know how to find it right now. At least it feels better than the thought of always doing – or having to do – the same thing.
How do you deal with such things or do you know such things about yourself?
Your Sasha
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English
Dear Sasha, do what makes you happy and do not make yourself a slave to everyday life. Even though your cats might not agree with me. We are all trapped in our daily routine to varying degrees. I know so many people who only live for annual holidays or for the idea of retiring soon and find this a shame. Unfortunately, happiness usually does not fall into our lap, but wants to be won and unfortunately life has no sense of justice. Nevertheless, it is worth looking for things that fill us up and make us happy. Enough of the platitudes. Get out into the sun.
Thank you for these lovely words ….
I try to change something and interact with more variety in life; slowly it succeeds but always slowly.
Dear Sasha, especially after great events in life, such as the loss of your father, you are rethinking your own life. The gap that this person leaves (the conversations, the time spent together) wants to be filled. And this is only about change. So let's go to 🙂.