My life with care

It has been quite some time since I have reported on what it was like to assess the level of care. And today I want to tell you how things went in the meantime. 

In the meantime, I have moved and have now installed home care here. This means someone comes by and helps me in the household, as well as in the daily hygiene. 

Admitting that you need help doesn't necessarily make the whole thing and the situation easier. It's the same as when I held the badge in my hand. Or the fact that I can't go to work anymore. These are incisions in life that leave their mark and first have to work after. 

After the report was prepared and the sobering result was nursing grade 1, I had of course filed an objection. I actually got a few more points. But these were still not enough for the level of care 2. So I just have the minimal supply. And that means I can just afford the housekeeping help. These four hours a month come to me. And various tasks are done, such as cleaning dust, wiping the floor or cleaning windows. But it should be clear to everyone, 4 hours is not much, and is far from enough. 

So I still need help, from my mother and sister or from my partner. Shopping alone is already problematic, because during the 4 hours you can assume that I just get the windows cleaned. And that is done a bit in the apartment. Even then, family members still have to step in and do something for me here and there. 

The care that I now need on the physical side is now regulated by my family doctor. And the whole thing is currently still in the approval phase at the health insurance company. 

From my experience, this may take some time. The last time something had to be approved, it took about three months. And so I wait now and talk to the health insurance company on the phone regularly. 

Being dependent on the help of others as an adult man or as an adult woman, for such small things as showering, for example, is already stressful. At least for me. I don't care if a male or female nurse supports me. I am a senior caregiver myself. 

I'm still worried about the fact that I need that help. It's not a problem to ask someone from the family or my partner, but someone foreign that's something else. 

It gives me a sense of failure. A personal defeat in my eyes. 

I know these thoughts are totally wrong. And not necessarily conducive to the situation. But it is my need to be as independent as possible. 

I am glad that I am able to live alone and independently quasi with support. And I will also ask for more help here and there, such as outpatient help for self-determined living and housing. 

Because this also gives me support and a contact point where I can get advice. Which accompanies me at doctor's appointments or even when I want to go shopping. Because that's something I also miss about going shopping on my own. 

I saw it as I was shopping with my girlfriend. And we went through the store in a wheelchair. Due to my very special personal needs, the wheelchair is slightly wider and does not always fit through the aisles and alleys of a supermarket. And much less because of the narrow gate in the cash register area. 

These are all obstacles that need to be considered when I am travelling in a wheelchair. 

I feel or I realize again and again that I still have a lot to learn, and I have to admit again and again, yes, I need help and I need help from professional helpers. I don't just have to admit it, I have to admit it.

And this is a process in which I still find myself. But I feel that I am getting better and better at it, and that I can allow myself more and more. 

How do you deal with it? Or do you already have experience with it? Write it in the comments. I would love to hear about your stories. 

Your Sasha

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