Overburdening

There are moments or phases in life when we are overwhelmed. This is not a bad thing, you just have to recognize them and work on them.

In my life, there have been these moments of being overwhelmed more than once. The last time was a good 10 years ago – although it could have been a good 12 years ago. At that time, I made a professional reintegration after a long illness with depression.

There I felt very comfortable and the office and administration area was a lot of fun, even if I had previously learned or practiced more technical professions or social and nursing training.

It was something completely new to create invoices or do the accounting, but also to do the administration in the warehouse. Everything was new for me, but it was even more exciting in the media library, where books, CDs and films could be borrowed – as well as coordinating and organising the procurement of new media.

The editorial office for a small, local magazine was also represented there. Resonances were written, just like current dates researched and this was next to the media library the best area for me, because it was relaxed and chill. Read and write a lot about what has always made me happy.

Unfortunately, there is also the downside. As much fun as all this has made me, I've become more and more depressed and I haven't even felt it. Only when my then girlfriend said that she wanted to have time from me, I thought if that could be true.

I came from work after 8 hours, ate and went to sleep. Then got up again and went back to work. Nothing became more important than working, sleeping and eating.

At an appointment with my psychologist, I quickly had a 4-weekly certificate of incapacity for work in my hand and a briefing for the clinic.

Of course, this was like a hammer blow, because I liked to work there and had fun doing everything that brought me joy. Also, most colleagues were hard in order and yes, I even liked one or the other.

To this day, I do not know what made me sick, because it was a rehab – something protected and yet this minimal burden made me sick. The worst was a sentence from the psychologist: “Maybe they have to admit that they can never go back to work.”

That was something I really had to crack, because I was used from an early age to the fact that you have to and can perform if you want to, but that I am so sick that I can never go back to work, that was too much of a good thing.

Now many years have passed and I have tried again and again, after then an official doctor told me the same thing again about 4 years ago. Then I realized that this is probably the way it is and a disability pension must be applied for.

I think I feel better about it today. I just don't know what it was that made me so sick, because there were times when I almost only worked next to school and education, because I was almost always self-employed and had 16 or 18 hour days and weekends I knew only from my youth.

Now I live a quiet life and – as far as my psyche is concerned – I am much healthier, but I had to accept that I am sick and only after that it went up again. It is a different life – a life of many things that I enjoy and enjoy. Only without money, but this is a different story.

What is your experience with being overwhelmed? Did you experience something like that or something like that?

Your Sasha

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