Suddenly fear of existence

So slowly I think it's time to report something positive and also to look at the beautiful sides of life but then a moment comes a small moment a short blink with the eyes and already the project is obsolete.

I am someone who always strives to do everything quickly and accurately, so that any problems and mistakes have enough time to be cleared out of the way to achieve a good and satisfactory result for everyone.

‘Not calculable’

Now there are moments and situations in life that you simply can not calculate, it is quite out of whom only a part does not work or it comes differently as planned and you have the feeling that you get you with the divisions on your head or with the Pannschüppe in the middle of the face, as you say so nicely ‘platsch’.

Just now I have experienced such a moment I thought I had prepared everything well I can not say what it is, but I thought I have prepared everything well in advance for months, have done all errands and errands, have done everything early enough.

But even that wasn't enough, because what happened was that someone made a mistake that had consequences and consequences, so you couldn't count on a mistake that moves around 30 days.

I would have liked to have reported something beautiful and flowery from my life, but unfortunately this stupid thing came in between and it will have many effects and many consequences.

Even so far that I don't know if I can be online for the next four weeks or so online that I can post content, as usual i.e. podcast, blog entries and also publish video posts.

‘Powerlessness’

While I actually want to talk about the feeling of ‘impotence’ when, as I am now in this case, I am presented with almost completed facts, even though I gave my best no my very best but it was not enough to avoid this mistake.

I really thought I'm a strong personality and could throw away setbacks so easily but that's not so I have to say that I'm really looking less rosy into the future now because I've lost confidence in the system.

If even an authority or an office does not play along, I also have a financial problem it is not about a huge sum, but in my case that is a sum of six times what I have to live in the month and that is already a lot of money for me.

I thought after the death of my father, I could not get much out of my mind or off track at first, except for someone who is important to me, but this is now also something that really makes me wrestle for a moment.

When I heard that the date is not the 26.06, but the 28.07, I really didn't know what to say, I was perplexed, I have never experienced myself before and I have to say that I don't want to experience myself that way again.

I always thought I was eloquent, eloquent, but at that moment everything was gone I even started to stutter and that's something I've never done before.

Now I hope that everything turns out for the better and that tomorrow (Friday) I will get better news, but I also know that I will not sleep well this night and that I will not get much sleep.

As I said, this is the first time in a long time that I've really had existential fear and anyone who's ever had that doesn't even want their worst enemy to have such fears because it's really about the substance.

Now the question remains, how do I continue to deal with this? How will I feel? If the answer tomorrow (Friday) is negative, I am for the first time in a really long time without solution suggestions or have even a glimmer as to how it should or can go on.

“Happy, is that too much?”

Can I just be a bit lucky or is that too much to ask for?

How do you deal with this situation? Which pull the floor under your feet or with situations that make you struggle for air? Write it in the comments, I would be happy to read them.

Your Sasha

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