Borderline It is often equated with chaos: Violent emotions, difficult relationships, extreme reactions. What is almost always lost is the core that makes all these dynamics possible – an extraordinary sensitivity.
Not the kind of sensitivity that is ridiculed as ‘thin-skinned’, but a form of perception that goes deeper, reacts faster and captures moods before others even notice them.

This sensitivity can be overwhelming. She can hurt. It can be destructive if left unfiltered. But it is also a resource that many sufferers never consciously get to know because they have only blamed themselves for the downsides throughout their lives.

This text presents a different perspective:
like the same sensitivity, which is sometimes too much, can be a force at the same time – for connection, honesty, creativity and inner clarity.
It is not about romanticization, but about making visible the fine skills that lie behind the chaos.
Skills that do not have to disappear – but can be understood, protected and used.

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1. Why this text does not start with what is ‘wrong’

When talking about borderline personality disorder, the same terms usually appear:

• ‘unstable’
• "impulsive"
• ‘too sensitive’
• ‘self-harming’ means:

In diagnostic manuals, you rarely read sentences such as:

“People with borderline often have an extraordinarily fine antenna for moods, injustice and nuances.”

And yet, that's exactly what describes a central core: Extreme sensitivity.

This sensitivity:

• It hurts,
• It can break relationships,
• It can make work more difficult,
• It can make everyday life look like a minefield.

But she's not only a problem.
It is also:

• a highly sensitive warning system,
• a source of creativity,
• An engine for justice,
• A deep capacity for connection.

The problem in the classic view of borderline is not that it describes the difficult sides – they exist and they are real.
The problem is that The other half is missing:
What happens if you treat this sensitivity not only as a disorder, but also as a commodity Considered?

This text wants to make this perspective strong:

• without romanticizing the pain,
• softening without self-harm or crisis,
• But with a clear focus:

“What can become of this sensitivity if you learn to understand, regulate and use it consciously?”

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2. What 'sensitivity' really means here

‘Sensitive’ is often used interchangeably with ‘quickly offended’ or ‘thin-skinned’.
That's way too shallow.

In the context of borderline, sensitivity means a whole bunch of characteristics, for example:

2.1 Emotional intensity

Feelings are not just there – they are loud:

• Joy can feel like a rush.
• Anger like an explosion in the chest.
• Shame like a complete system crash.
• Longing like physical pain.

For other people, what is a ‘That annoys me a bit’ can be a ‘It tears me apart inside’ for you.

2.2 High irritability

Your nervous system is not a muted turntable, but rather a microphone with maximum gain:

• You hear nuances in voices.
• You feel tension in the room.
• You notice unclear looks, altered emojis, minimal delays in answering.

While others are still chatting, your system already registers:
‘Something is wrong here.’

2.3 Fine perception of intermediate tones

Half a sentence, a roll of eyes, an "already okay" with a false emphasis – and you have a complete film running in you:

• “He is disappointed in me.”
• ‘She finds me ridiculous.’
• “I'm too much again.”

The information you see is often real:
There's actually tension, disappointment, irritability.
It gets difficult at the point where your head makes a story out of it:
“It's my fault, I'm the problem.”

2.4 Strong desire for real connection

Many people with borderline can do little with superficial small talk:

• ‘How are you?’ – ‘Good, thank you.’
  It feels empty.

You want:

• Real conversations,
• honesty,
• clarity;
• Depth.

This quickly leads to ‘whole or not at all’:

• Either full contact,
• or retreat and radio silence.

2.5 Sense of justice

Injustice, lies, manipulation and double standards not only feel ‘wrong’ – they can hurt physically:

• turf of the heart,
• the internal heat,
• trembling,
• The need to say something immediately.

This can bring you into conflict, but at the same time it is an expression of Strong sense of value.

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3. Why Sensitivity Feels Like a Problem at First

Before sensitivity can become a resource, it often acts as a permanent attack on your system.
Three everyday situations, viewed in a more differentiated way:

3.1 Example of relationship: “You didn’t say anything, but I felt it”

Scene:

• Your partner is coming home.
• He/she is calmer than usual, appears absent.
• Your question ‘Everything okay?’ is followed by a ‘Yes, everything is fine’, but the body language shouts ‘No’.

What happens in you?

1. Your sensitivity registers: Something doesn't fit.
2. Your nervous system goes up: Tension, lump in the throat, maybe pressure in the chest.
3. Your head provides possible explanations in fractions of a second:
   • “I did something wrong.”
   • ‘He/she withdraws.’
   • “It's just the conversation that it's all over.”

The actual information – “The mood is different” – is correct.
The conclusion – “I am to blame, it is dangerous” – is learned pattern, Not fact.

If you don't keep that apart, your sensitivity becomes torment.
If you learn to distinguish it, it can become:

“I perceive something. I don't know what it is yet. I ask – and I treat my first interpretation as a hypothesis, not a fact.”

3.2 Example of work: ‘Everyone thinks I'm too emotional’

At work, sensitivity can look like this:

• You already feel at the beginning of a meeting that there is a conflict in the air.
• A colleague is passive-aggressively friendly, and your whole body says: ‘This is fake.’
• You try to convey, reassure, explain – sometimes unsolicited.

If you set no limits, you slip into a role:

• The emotional,
• the ‘difficult’;
• the ‘bite’ or ‘dramatic’.

From the inside it feels like this:

• “I'm just trying to prevent everything from escalating here.”
• “I can't pretend there's nothing wrong with something.”

From the outside comes:

• ‘Always drama’.
• “Everything always needs to be analysed so deeply.”
• "Too sensitive to this job."

Sensitivity is not the problem here – the problem is:

• lack of role clarification (‘I am not responsible for the mood of the whole team’),
• lack of self-protection (‘I don’t have to moderate every conflict’),
• Lack of language for what you perceive.

3.3 Example of social media: “One comment – and everything is collapsing”

A very typical pattern:

• You share something personal, vulnerable.
• Thirty people react positively.
• A person writes something derogatory, ridiculous, or cynical.

What happens?

• Your focus is zooming in on this an Commentary.
• In your head arises: ‘That's what everyone thinks – they just don’t dare to say it.’
• Your self-image tilts: “I am ridiculous. I just shouldn't share anything anymore.”
• You may react impulsively: Counterattack, justification, deletion of the post, complete withdrawal.

Also here:

• Sensitivity makes that comment Feeling stronger than others.
• The head cinema makes him suddenly bigger than anything positive.

If you learn to separate that, you can:

• sort negative feedback (‘Is there a core in it that I can learn from?’),
• Recognize troll behavior and treat it as what it is
• Decide who you want to give power over your mood.

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4. Change of perspective: Sensitivity as a rough diamond

Think of your sensitivity as rough diamonds before.

Unprocessed:

• sharp-edged,
• can cut,
• It hurts,
• difficult to handle.

Machined, sanded, trimmed:

• Reflects light,
• seems clear,
• is valuable,
• becomes a piece of jewellery: without Losing its hardness.

The qualities that cause you problems today are the same qualities that can later become something powerful. if:

• you get to know them,
• you learn to classify them,
• You have the tools to deal with it.

Let's look at three areas where this is particularly evident.

4.1 Empathy: The ability to really resonate

Many people with borderline have an extreme ability to relate to others – sometimes so strong that they empathise as if it were their own feelings.

This can mean:

• You notice in the conversation how someone tilts inside, even though he says ‘everything is good’.
• You feel in groups who feel excluded or insecure.
• You suffer when others suffer – sometimes so much that it keeps you busy for days.

Risk:
You sink into the feelings of others, take on responsibilities that are not yours, help beyond your stress limits.

Resource:
When you learn boundaries, this empathy can be incredibly healing:

• as a friend:in,
• as a partner:in,
• as a colleague,
• in helping professions,
• In creative projects that touch others.

Example:
A person around you seems ‘funny’. Others say: "That's the way it is today." But you can feel that there is more.
Instead of thinking ‘I don’t really like her’, you could say:

“I notice that you are different today. If you want to talk at some point – I'm here.”

This is sensitivity as Dexterity, Not as self-destruction.

4.2 Creativity: Feelings as raw material

Extreme feelings produce extreme images, thoughts, inner films.
For creativity, this is an enormous treasure:

• Your metaphors are more intense because you really felt things.
• Your lyrics, songs, images, or projects can deeply impact others because they convey real experience, not a slick fake.
• Your ability to translate inner states into outer forms can grow – especially if you write, draw, make music, etc. on a regular basis.

Examples:

• After a fight, you write a dialogue between your hurt part and the part that absolutely wants to be liked.
• You make a beat that depicts exactly the inner restlessness that you would otherwise find difficult to put into words.
• You invent a character (comic, story, art figure) who carries the ‘overwhelmed’ side of you – and about whom you can tell things that would otherwise be too naked for you.

The feelings do not disappear, but:

• They take shape,
• they become editable,
• They just stop exploding inside.

4.3 Sense of justice & Values: "It doesn't matter"

Many with Borderline have a very clear sense of:

• fair/unfair,
• honest / dishonest,
• Real/artificial.

This leads to:

• Anger at injustice,
• Zero tolerance for betrayal or lies,
• Strong reactions to hypocrisy.

Problematic It happens when every little thing becomes the ‘last frontier’ or when all shades of grey disappear.
Powerful It will happen when you learn:

• When is it worth using my energy?
• Where can I really make a difference?
• Where are my boundaries – not only with others, but also with me?

Then your sense of justice can become the engine:

• for political or social projects,
• for a fairer approach in teams,
• for the protection of the weaker,
• for clear statements against abuse, bullying, exclusion.

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5. Where sensitivity can become a strength in everyday life

5.1 In relationships: From ‘too much’ to ‘consciously intense’

Relationships are often the area where the most breaks in borderline – and at the same time the area where the largest resource is stuck.

Typical patterns:

• strong idealisation (‘You are the only person who understands me’)
• strong devaluation ("You are like everyone else, I can't trust you")
• Fear of leaving at the smallest distances
• clinging behavior or radical withdrawal

All of this is closely related to sensitivity:
You notice every little distance – and interpret it as a danger.

How can it become a strength?

1. Clarity about needs
   Instead of subconsciously expecting others to guess what you need, you can learn to name it:
   • “Clear feedback helps me more than silence.”
   • “If you need distance, please tell me it's not the end.”
   • “I react strongly to radio silence – let's make arrangements on how to deal with it.”
2. Transparency about your sensitivity
   Depending on the relationship, it can be helpful to say clearly: “I perceive very much, sometimes too much. I may be over-interpreting things. I'm working on it – but if you notice me slipping into disaster films, please tell me.”
3. Common ‘emergency rules’
   For example:
   • No threats of separation in the dispute.
   • In case of severe overload: Short break, not contact break.
   • After violent conflicts: Short follow-up discussion to sort out interpretations.

In relationships, your sensitivity becomes a resource when:

• You don't have to hide them anymore,
• And you are aware of it.
• both of you are working on it, instead of just you being ‘the difficult one’.

5.2 At work: Use sensitive strengths in a targeted manner

Not every job fits every nervous system. For a very sensitive system, some environments are pure poison:

• open-plan offices with continuous noise,
• extremely hierarchical structures without a say,
• sectors in which continuous ‘performance’ is required;
• Toxic teams with a lot in the back.

But your sensitivity can be a quality in many contexts:

• Customer:internal contact: You can quickly see what someone needs, even between the lines.
• teamwork: You feel tension early and, if you're stable enough, you can address it.
• Creative or conceptual tasks: You bring depth, different perspectives, unusual ideas.
• Social professions: Your empathy can really make others feel seen – if you protect your boundaries.

Specific strategies:

• For jobs or projects, don't just check: “Can I do this professionally?” but also:
  – ‘How loud is the environment?’
  – ‘What is the culture of conflict?’
  – ‘How much self-determination do I have?’
• Learn sentences such as:
  – ‘I need a little time to think this through.’
  – “I can see that the topic is very close to me right now – can we make a brief break?”
  – ‘I notice that the mood in the team is tense. Do we want to address this openly?”

5.3 In creative projects: Your inner world as a workshop

Creative projects are not just a hobby – they can also be used by people with borderline:

• valve,
• structure;
• identity anchors;
• Form of communication

to be.

Ideas on how to use your sensitivity as a resource here:

• Diary, but structured: Not only ‘everything sucks’, but:
  – What was the trigger?
  – What story did my head make about it?
  – What did my body do?
  – What would I have needed?
• fictional characters: You let parts of yourself exist as a character – in comics, stories, radio plays. So you can talk about yourself without constantly exposing yourself directly.
• Sound, image, color: You translate feelings into sound, shapes, colors. You don't have to explain anything – people feel it.

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6. How to Make Sensitivity Manageable Instead of Fighting It

Sensitivity becomes a resource when it:

1. perceived will,
2. regulated will,
3. directed will.

6.1 Perceived: “What exactly is happening in me right now?”

Without awareness, any strong emotion is like a slow-motion car accident – but you only see the impact.

You can learn to recognize the chain of events before:

• Trigger: What was the triggering situation? (View, Sentence, Message, Silence, Behavior, Memory)
• Thought: What was the first automatic thought? (“I don’t care”, “I will leave”, “I am embarrassed”)
• Feeling: Fear, anger, shame, sadness, disgust, emptiness?
• Body: Rashes, tremors, chest pressure, shallow breathing?
• Impulse: screaming, writing, cutting, drinking, disappearing, clinging?

Even this sorting creates minimal distance between you and the emotion.

The goal is not to be ‘reasonable’ – the goal is to have at least 1-2 seconds between impulse and storyline.

6.2 Regulation: Dimming the emotion, not pushing it away

Regulation does not mean: “I don’t feel anything anymore.”
Regulation means: “I'm going from 100 to 60 so I can think at all.”

Possible strategies (which you can of course deepen with professionals):

• Physical grounding:
  – Cold water,
  – ice cubes,
  – stomping firmly on the ground,
  – lean on and consciously feel the body.
• Limit stimulus channels:
  – mobile phone gone,
  – Headphones on,
  – change room,
  – Dim the light.
• Self-calming sentences:
  – ‘The feeling is extreme, but it is a feeling, not a judgment of my value.’
  – ‘I don’t need to react immediately.’
  – ‘I may take my time before making a decision.’

Regulation is not defeat.
It is the prerequisite for ensuring that your sensitivity does not constantly blow up everything.

6.3 Steering: Where to go with the energy?

Emotions are energy.
If you do not use them consciously, they will find their way:

• against yourself,
• against others,
• or in endless brooding loops.

You can consciously decide:

• Anger → writing, speaking, confronting (later, structured, not in the moment of explosion).
• Sadness → Looking for contact, allowing music, writing, crying.
• Share shame with a person who doesn't judge you instead of withdrawing completely.

Ask yourself:

“If I did not turn this energy against me, what could I use it for?”

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7. The big topic: “Am I just too much?”

Many with Borderline carry a principle that is almost set in stone:

“I'm too much.”

Too emotional, too exhausting, too complicated, too demanding, too capricious.

This often leads to two extremes:

1. Over-adaptation:
   – just not noticeable,
   – push away feelings,
   – to make others right,
   – Internal but permanent stress.
2. Overturning:
   – bounce everything out,
   – no longer filterable,
   – if ‘too much’, then correct.

Both variants have a price:

• Either it eats you up from the inside.
• Or it destroys relationships and self-image.

The resource-oriented alternative is uncomfortable but more realistic:

“I am intense. I am not suitable for every person and every environment – but I am also not fundamentally wrong.”

It follows that:

• You can specifically look for environments where intensity is not immediately considered a ‘defect’.
• You can draw boundaries, both in the direction of others and in the direction of your own impulses.
• You can be proud that you feel different, without pretending that everything is only ‘superpower’ and not exhausting.

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8. Concrete ideas on how to cultivate your sensitivity as a resource

8.1 Your personal ‘sensitivity inventory’

Sit down and write down:

1. When is my sensitivity helpful?
   – Situations where you noticed something before it escalated.
   – Moments when someone told you: ‘I'm glad you were able to say this so clearly.’
2. When will it hurt me?
   – Situations where you acted impulsively and later regretted it.
   – Moments when you are stuck in your thoughts for days because you have overinterpreted something.
3. What are my early warning signs?
   – physical (e.g. chest tightness, head pressure, inner restlessness),
   – mentally (‘I don't care’, ‘I'm ruining everything now’),
   – behavioural (scrolling through chats, tearing open old wounds, searching for triggering content).

If you keep this in writing, you will gradually get a map of your sensitivity.

8.2 Defining Your Top 3 Protection Factors

Sensitivity can only be a long-term resource if you do not constantly overload yourself.

Write down three things that will reliably stabilize you – and treat them like appointments:

• e.g.
  – ‘At least 1 hour a day consciously offline’
  – ‘Do not start a dispute after midnight’
  – ‘When I see myself slipping into disaster fantasies, I write it down briefly before I act.’

These things are not ‘nice to have’, but part of how you deal with your resource.

8.3 "Who can I be sensitive to?"

Not every person is able to maintain your intensity. This is not a devaluation of these people – it is a reality.

You can distinguish:

• People with whom you can show yourself raw – who may not understand everything, but do not devalue you.
• People with whom you are more inclined – because they would otherwise be overwhelmed or would react in an injurious manner.

This is not falsehood, but self-protection.
You are not obligated to give your inner life to everyone.

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9. Plan setbacks – without calling the resource into question

Even if you believe all of this:

• There will be days when a comment will meet you completely.
• There will be moments when you act impulsively, even though you ‘know better’.
• There will be people who take advantage of or devalue your sensitivity.

This does not mean:

• that you have learned nothing,
• that you are ‘hopeless’,
• Your sensitivity is just a curse.

It means:

• You are a person with a very sensitive nervous system.
• You live in a world that is often not focused on this sensitivity.
• And you are on a path where setbacks are part of it.

A helpful inner attitude can be:

• “Okay, that was a crash. What can I take with me?’
• “What resource did I not use this time?”
• “Who can I involve to sort this out instead of standing alone in the corner?”

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10. Conclusion: Sensitivity is not a defect – it needs a framework

Borderline is often over the Chaos Defined:

• chaotic feelings,
• chaotic relationships,
• Chaotic self-image.

But when you look behind the chaos, you see:

• Extreme sensitivity,
• a great longing for authenticity,
• a strong response to injustice,
• A deep capacity for connection and creativity.

Your sensitivity:

• will never make you a smoothly functioning system,
• will never make you a person who doesn't care
• will never put you in the ‘uncomplicated’ category.

But she can make you someone who:

• can very clearly name what hurts,
• can love and feel very intensely,
• can express very creatively what others only vaguely suspect,
• It is very consistent with certain values.

This requires:

• Knowing about yourself,
• tools for regulation,
• People who do not pathologize your intensity, but keep it together with you,
• and the willingness to no longer see your sensitivity as a ‘mistake’, but as what it is:

a powerful, raw, sometimes dangerous – but also incredibly human resource.

And you can learn step by step to use this resource without letting it destroy you.

adoption

Thank you for taking the time to read this article and engaging with the subject of sensitivity in a new, constructive way. If you could take something out of it for yourself, I'm very happy.

Stay curious, stay open – and most importantly: Stay true to yourself.

Your Sasha

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📚Book recommendations

On the subject of sensitivity, emotional intensity and borderline, there are some really helpful books that broaden the view and give practical impulses. In the following section you will find a small selection of recommended titles that fit thematically to this article and can further support you on your way.

1. Sensitivity and Emotional Intensity of Imi Lo

This book shows how people live with high sensitivity and intense feelings and not only as a burden, but as a burden. Active resource can understand. It provides practical strategies to Emotional Sensitivity as Strength use them instead of fighting them. Amazon+1
Affiliate notice: If you order through the Amazon link, a small portion will be passed on as a commission without you paying more.

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2. Torn between extremes: Living with a Borderline ‑ Disorder (Author:innen unspecified)

A guide that addresses the challenges of borderline ‑personality disorder – providing information to those affected and relatives on how to find perspectives despite this diagnosis. Amazon
Affiliate notice: The same applies to this book: Ordering via the link supports our work.

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3. I hate you – don’t leave me: The Black ‑ White World of Borderline ‑ Personality by Jerold J. Kreisman

A classic borderline guide that dives deep into the dynamics, emotions and relationship patterns of people with borderline – helpful to understand sensitivity and extreme emotions in context. Amazon
Affiliate notice: Here, too, the following applies: Ordering via the link benefits you and our joint project work.

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✅ Glossary – The hidden power behind Borderline: Recognizing Sensitivity as a Resource

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regulation of affect

The ability to perceive, control, and purposefully dampen strong feelings before they determine behavior. In borderline often difficult, but trainable.

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dissociation

A protective mechanism of the brain in case of overload. Can feel like standing next to one another, memory gaps, space-time distortion or emotional numbness.

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Emotional intensity

Strong, rapidly increasing feelings that go very deep and have a long lasting effect. Positive as well as negative are much more pronounced than in many other people.

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Empathy (affective & cognitive)

Affective empathy: Compassion, resonance, emotional resonance.
Cognitive empathy: Understand what others are thinking or feeling – without feeling it yourself.
People with borderline often have strong affective empathy.

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Fine perception

The ability to perceive the smallest nonverbal cues (sound, body language, delays in answering). Represents a resource, but can also overwhelm it.

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Sense of justice

Strong inner feeling for fairness and honesty. In borderline often very pronounced, which leads to clear, often intense reactions to injustices.

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Hypervigilance

A permanent state of increased attention. The nervous system is constantly looking for signs of danger, rejection or conflict. Often a result of previous experience.

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impulsivity

Take action before the head can process. It often comes from emotional flooding. Can show up in quarrels, news, buying decisions, self-harm or withdrawal.

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Interpretation cascade

A chain of assumptions that develops from a small observation.
Example: “He seems annoyed → I did something wrong → he wants to leave me.”
Characteristic for quick, often extreme conclusions.

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Irritability

Strongly increased receptivity to sounds, moods, words, glances, social fields. Can lead to overload – or the ability to detect moods early.

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Raw diamond metaphor

Image for sensitivity, which is sharp and painful without filtering, but which – polished and protected – can develop great clarity and strength.

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Self-depreciation

Automatic, harsh judgments about oneself (‘I am too much’, ‘I am the problem’). Often triggered by old patterns, not current reality.

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Self-injurious behaviour (SVV)

Strategies to end extreme emotional states in the short term (cutting, burning, beating). Not an ‘attention search’, but an attempt at coping.
In the article itself, you can optionally keep this less prominent, depending on the sensitivity of your target group.

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Sensitivity inventory

A personal tool for self-knowledge: List of own triggers, strengths, early warning signs and stabilizing routines. Helps to use sensitivity consciously.

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triggers

Stimuli or situations that trigger intense feelings, often due to older experiences.
Can be a word, a gesture, a smell, a memory or a social pattern.

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Validation (validation)

Acknowledging feelings and perceptions without trivializing or trivializing them. A key mechanism in DBT therapy and sensitive relationships.

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connectedness

The inner feeling of being seen, understood and safe. Essential for people with borderline – and at the same time often difficult to reach.

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Intermediate tones

Subtle emotional signals that arise between people: Uncertainty, fatigue, microaggressions. People with borderline often perceive these very precisely.