According to Funk Podcast & Blog

Overcoming inner emptiness and loneliness: When borderline feels like a hole inside

“Why inner emptiness can be so tormenting at Borderline – and how self-care, structure, creativity and secure connection can help.”

There are pains that can be easily explained to other people. A broken arm can be X-rayed, the plaster is the visible proof of the injury. A bleeding wound can be disinfected and connected. A loud dispute has concrete words, a loss has a clear name and a socially accepted time of mourning.

Outbursts of anger under control: When the Volcano Awakens - A Deep Guide to Dealing with Sudden Aggression in BPS

“A wrong word, a look – and inside everything explodes. Behind this anger is often not malice, but fear, pain and overload. This article shows what lies behind it and what can help.”

It often happens within milliseconds: A false word, a fleeting, misunderstood look or a supposed rejection – and suddenly the heat shoots into the head. The world narrows into a tunnel, the heart races, blood pressure rises, and before the mind can intervene, anger bursts forth with destructive force. Words are fired like sharp arrows, doors are slammed, or anger is autodestructively directed against one's own person.

The hidden power behind Borderline: Recognizing Sensitivity as a Resource

“How sensitivity can become inner strength in borderline – a new look at emotional intensity.”

Borderline It is often equated with chaos: Violent emotions, difficult relationships, extreme reactions. What is almost always lost is the core that makes all these dynamics possible – an extraordinary sensitivity.
Not the kind of sensitivity that is ridiculed as ‘thin-skinned’, but a form of perception that goes deeper, reacts faster and captures moods before others even notice them.

Understanding Quiet Silence 002 Borderline 1 – Between Proximity and Delimitation

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00:00 - 0:00:24 Welcome to the Leisenstelle.
0:00:24 – 0:00:29 A podcast about mental health.
0:00:29 – 0:00:37 I'm Sascha Markmann and say hello! Today's topic, that's something that I myself
0:00:37 – 0:00:48 This is borderline personality disorder. Yes, and that is today's topic.
0:00:48 – 0:00:58 The perfidious thing about borderline disorder is that it occurs in many areas of life,
0:00:58 – 0:01:06 Actually, in all areas of life, somehow affects. Starting with relationships or in
0:01:06 – 0:01:17 Everyday life, shopping, alone the house
0:01:17 – 0:01:21 Leaving and that leads to life.
0:01:21 – 0:01:24 huge challenges. I have mine
0:01:24 – 0:01:28 Diagnosis in the mid-20s,
0:01:28 – 0:01:30 After a good friend of mine
0:01:30 – 0:01:33 He pointed out that with me
0:01:30 – 0:01:40 Something isn't quite right with me. So she had the feeling and I can say,
0:01:40 – 0:01:48 She had experience with psychiatry herself and was there, I think, sensitized. Such as:
0:01:48 – 0:01:58 Many people who have had experience in psychiatry. They're just for it
0:01:58 – 0:02:09 Raise awareness. So what is Borderline anyway? Yeah, so we can just
0:02:09 – 0:02:18 Open a book like this and then best of all the ICD-10 and then we read things like that.
0:02:18 – 0:02:29 such as – it is an emotionally unstable personality of type Borderline. There is another,
0:02:29 – 0:02:37 That would be the type of impulsive, but that's a different topic now in a different place. She will be there
0:02:37 – 0:02:49 Divided under the F keys, something like 60, sort of 60.31, to be exact. And yes,
0:02:49 – 0:02:57 If you read it that way, you somehow have the feeling that this also applies to me,
0:02:57 – 0:03:07 because personality disorders are disorders or severe or less pronounced proportions
0:03:07 – 0:03:14 in the personality. And since we all have a complex personality,
0:03:14 – 0:03:18 here is a little more and with the others stop at the same place a little less,
0:03:18 – 0:03:26 You have the feeling, yes, that's where I find myself again. It's just the question of how strong these are.
0:03:26 – 0:03:42 Interpretations are trained. Beuterleinern are said to be very intense, very erratic.
0:03:42 – 0:03:51 The feelings they experience are just as intense and volatile. It can be overwhelming,
0:03:51 – 0:04:02 To experience these feelings. It's hard when I have such a feeling high or low,
0:04:02 – 0:04:10 to regulate it. You're almost … you're … nee, you're not hanging, you're your feelings
0:04:10 – 0:04:19 It's almost out of hand and that makes it very difficult. Another, more important feature is
0:04:19 – 0:04:27 The black and white thinking. In technical jargon called splitting. People or situations are either
0:04:27 – 0:04:35 Totally idealized or severely devalued. There is no healthy mean. I always say,
0:04:35 – 0:04:39 There is no grey. There are a lot of shades of grey between black and white.
0:04:39 – 0:04:47 A loved one can speak out within minutes, a fraction of a second
0:04:47 – 0:04:58 experience. From super-great to the enemy and there must be fought and that by all means,
0:04:58 – 0:05:05 Whether it's rational or irrational, it can be tough. I can only say one thing,
0:05:05 – 0:05:13 If I have a discussion or conflict with my girlfriend, we're both borderliners,
0:05:13 – 0:05:21 It's really bad and what a star they throw in their heads, it really does, it sits, it hurts.
0:05:21 – 0:05:33 And unaffected people can be totally overwhelmed because that is so extreme.
0:05:33 – 0:05:44 Yes, there are also attempts at manipulation, which I will go into more detail later,
0:05:44 – 0:05:53 then statements like "You don't love me" or "I hate you", "You're the worst,
0:05:53 – 0:06:01 What ever happened to me. Such an example is "Sarah loves her best friend above all else,
0:06:01 – 0:06:10 But once she cancels a date, she immediately feels betrayed, rejected,
0:06:10 – 0:06:19 unloved and breaks off contact. The next day she suffers from this situation and regrets
0:06:19 – 0:06:29 She sits there and doesn't understand why she reacted so violently. And this
0:06:29 – 0:06:36 It's something I've learned from my past.
0:06:36 – 0:06:39 I know you, especially before I know you.
0:06:39 – 0:06:42 I went to therapy and it was very
0:06:42 – 0:06:44 I worked hard and hard on myself.
0:06:44 – 0:06:47 There were also such conflicts. Now it was
0:06:47 – 0:06:50 It wasn't so widespread at the time that
0:06:50 – 0:06:53 you had a cell phone everywhere and then
0:06:53 – 0:06:56 Someone could quickly block,
0:06:56 – 0:06:57 There is no smartphone that can be used in
0:06:56 – 0:07:00 social networks could go in and then block, but you could have a phone number
0:07:00 – 0:07:11 block, but for social networks you had to go to the computer. Another whole
0:07:11 – 0:07:24 an important construction site is a proximity and distance problem, a constant conflict, i.e. between "I let
0:07:24 – 0:07:29 Someone approach me, I need someone and that's too much now, go away.
0:07:29 – 0:07:34 And people with Bonne Borderline want deep, real bonds.
0:07:34 – 0:07:41 At the same time, they are also panicked about it. As soon as someone is emotionally too close to you
0:07:41 – 0:07:47 Come on, feel overwhelmed. The closeness is perceived as threatening,
0:07:47 – 0:07:55 Because they learned early. Proximity means
0:07:55 – 0:07:59 Injury often. So they pull
0:07:59 – 0:08:03 back. But this withdrawal then resolves
0:08:03 – 0:08:05 Give them what they like the most.
0:08:05 – 0:08:07 fear, namely, the fear of the
0:08:07 – 0:08:10 To be abandoned. There is a
0:08:10 – 0:08:14 Good book. That's "I hate you,
0:08:10 – 0:08:21 Don't leave me. And I'll link it to the shownotes. This was the first book,
0:08:21 – 0:08:26 What I read on this subject matter, I immediately felt understood.
0:08:26 – 0:08:34 The result is that you are constantly having some relationships that are super intense,
0:08:34 – 0:08:44 but also super unstable and people who can not deal with it, they turn then at some point
0:08:44 – 0:08:53 Let go of one, because this constant ups and downs and "I let you get close to me and then push
0:08:53 – 0:09:02 I'll take you away," a healthy person won't last long. This is so, as an example one could say,
0:09:02 – 0:09:09 Tom is with Lisa. Whenever Lisa shows them her love,
0:09:09 – 0:09:16 He stops, distances himself. But as soon as she walks away,
0:09:16 – 0:09:24 He calls her nonstop and cries, begging her not to leave him.
0:09:24 – 0:09:30 And that just means that no one really knows what's going on now.
0:09:30 – 0:09:34 Everyone feels misunderstood,
0:09:34 – 0:09:37 Neither Tom nor Lisa,
0:09:37 – 0:09:39 and
0:09:39 – 0:09:42 They just don't move forward because
0:09:42 – 0:09:44 You just can't handle it and
0:09:44 – 0:09:49 Tom can't deal with himself and how is Lisa supposed to do that?
0:09:49 – 0:09:53 Of course, there are also relationships with other people,
0:09:53 – 0:09:56 family, friends,
0:09:56 – 0:09:59 They are all very conflicted, because
0:09:59 – 0:10:09 These relationships are also characterized by an intensity and aversion and idealization.
0:10:09 – 0:10:15 I can only say from my own experience, when I meet new people and I find something great,
0:10:15 – 0:10:25 Then I idealize this completely over and then I am offended at the first disappointment.
0:10:25 – 0:10:34 Meanwhile, I can regulate all this and tell myself that I have exaggerated there and people are not perfect,
0:10:34 – 0:10:39 But I still have this weird thinking, and I think I'll never get rid of it.
0:10:39 – 0:10:49 It must be said that all these emotional fluctuations lead to situations,
0:10:49 – 0:11:07 With which no one can really deal and it can lead to misunderstandings, outbursts of anger, seizures, deepest affection.
0:11:07 – 0:11:14 And that's what's going on around this bag.
0:11:14 – 0:11:19 This is typical, for example, of impulsivity.
0:11:19 – 0:11:25 Decisions are made from the moment without thinking about the consequences.
0:11:25 – 0:11:29 It's escalating really fast.
0:11:29 – 0:11:33 Small things quickly turn into a big fight.
0:11:33 – 0:11:37 And yes, I know that too. That's wow.
0:11:37 – 0:11:43 Yes, I said before, idealization and devaluation, that's also a thing,
0:11:43 – 0:11:49 Thing, you have to do it yourself first
0:11:49 – 0:11:54 Get along and everyone else too. And there are
0:11:54 – 0:11:56 even out of fear, leaving
0:11:56 – 0:11:59 It is a jealousy and
0:11:59 – 0:11:59 A control behavior.
0:11:59 – 0:12:07 I can only do that now
0:12:07 – 0:12:09 confirm a little bit, because the fear of
0:12:09 – 0:12:11 Abandoned, yes, but I never
0:12:09 – 0:12:17 put pressure on others and do not control them, because I do not want to do it myself,
0:12:17 – 0:12:27 Someone is controlling me. Who wants that? When I think about it,
0:12:27 – 0:12:35 I know a well-known couple, also a borderline affected, the other not,
0:12:35 – 0:12:45 And then there are conflicts. Let's call it Paul and Jana. Paul and Jana lead a
0:12:45 – 0:12:54 Totally normal relationship. Paul says he wants to spend the evening with joy. Jana feels
0:12:54 – 0:13:03 This is interpreted as a sign that it means nothing to him. It
0:13:03 – 0:13:11 This is followed by an hour-long argument, even though Paul would simply have needed some time for himself.
0:13:11 – 0:13:18 I know you, too. Yes, I experienced it myself.
0:13:18 – 0:13:23 In a different relationship. It's bad.
0:13:23 – 0:13:26 Especially if you didn't think about it.
0:13:26 – 0:13:31 I've never really made a big tooth because
0:13:31 – 0:13:41 I, who could control everything well, even if the fear that someone might get lost always resonates with it.
0:13:41 – 0:13:46 But you also have to know your own price, your own value somewhere.
0:13:46 – 0:13:50 And I think before I did therapy, I was crasser.
0:13:50 – 0:13:56 But let's talk about inner perception, inner waves.
0:13:56 – 0:14:02 And I would say that's such a mixture of chaos and pain.
0:14:02 – 0:14:10 On the outside, many borderliners seem very moody,
0:14:10 – 0:14:21 Exaggeratedly sensitive, but inside there is often a deep, hardly tolerable emotional chaos.
0:14:21 – 0:14:38 And this can even extend to a deep inner void, because if it becomes too much, then there are protective mechanisms that lead to the fact that everything is simply regulated away.
0:14:38 – 0:14:43 And then you don't feel anything anymore, but then there is this deep emptiness.
0:14:43 – 0:14:55 And this feeling can even go so far that you no longer know who you are.
0:14:55 – 0:15:01 Even one's identity disappears.
0:15:01 – 0:15:12 And this is also a core syndrome of borderline personality disorder,
0:15:12 – 0:15:16 You have an identity disorder.
0:15:16 – 0:15:19 I really didn't know for a long time,
0:15:19 – 0:15:24 What is special about me,
0:15:24 – 0:15:28 what strengths, what weaknesses I have,
0:15:28 – 0:15:32 Which is why I could be liked at all.
0:15:32 – 0:15:36 I found it really hard
0:15:36 – 0:15:39 And that unsettles one.
0:15:39 – 0:15:49 On the other hand, you are also incredibly adaptable.
0:15:49 – 0:15:53 Yeah, like a little chameleon.
0:15:53 – 0:15:56 If you throw me into a group, I adapt to the group.
0:15:56 – 0:16:01 If you throw me into another group, I adapt to that group.
0:16:01 – 0:16:18 If this feeling of inner emptiness simply becomes too great or other emotional states such as fear, anger, deep sadness, even joy, it can lead to self-harming behavior.
0:16:18 – 0:16:24 Now, some experts say,
0:16:24 – 0:16:29 Self-proclaimed experts, that's what you do.
0:16:29 – 0:16:32 Just because of the need for attention,
0:16:32 – 0:16:37 Extensiveness to attract attention
0:16:37 – 0:16:41 generate. But the interesting thing is,
0:16:41 – 0:16:43 The pain that comes with the
0:16:43 – 0:16:46 The action isn't really there,
0:16:43 – 0:16:52 In the end, however, this leads to a reduction in internal pressure. And as the blood flows,
0:16:52 – 0:17:02 This too much emotion just flows out of you. And that's how it is
0:17:02 – 0:17:10 Valve for feelings. Can this be better described? The stupid thing about it is,
0:17:10 – 0:17:17 it works wonderfully and it is highly effective, just does not last long. How could I do this
0:17:17 – 0:17:29 Take an example now? After a fight, Mia feels an emptiness in herself and this state,
0:17:29 – 0:17:36 In order to interrupt this state, she scratches herself. The pain calms her for the moment,
0:17:36 – 0:17:44 But then comes what many brothers and sisters feel, or even a lot of people feel.
0:17:44 – 0:17:51 Suffering from self-injurious behavior. You're ashamed of what you did because you're so weak again.
0:17:51 – 0:17:57 It was that you had to do it. For there are visible traces and these visible traces,
0:17:57 – 0:18:04 This is constantly being addressed. Or there are stupid looks. Let's go to the
0:18:04 – 0:18:11 Let's get to the point where we talk about whether you, as a borderliner, are able to relate to others.
0:18:11 – 0:18:28 lead. And yes, that's possible if you do certain self-protection and pay attention to yourself.
0:18:28 – 0:18:35 Because a big mistake is that people with borderline are incapable of loving or
0:18:35 – 0:18:45 To have relationships. It's more likely that people with borderline tend to go too fast.
0:18:45 – 0:18:51 Making any relationships, friendships too fast, any couple relationships too fast
0:18:51 – 0:19:03 And that can then stop from, as already said, super intense to super critical,
0:19:03 – 0:19:11 because then comes a self-harming behavior, or self-injury behavior,
0:19:11 – 0:19:17 in which one engages in too intense sexual contacts and then does not consider oneself,
0:19:17 – 0:19:27 but virtually relieves pressure on it or simply goes there and pushes its value.
0:19:27 – 0:19:34 Or just to feel something or not to feel something, but to feel something else.
0:19:34 – 0:19:36 Yes, there are so many different things.
0:19:36 – 0:19:45 Yes, then there is also the thing that stops this non-relationship ability also
0:19:45 – 0:19:58 because borderliners often have fears of not being enough, then fear
0:19:58 – 0:20:06 to be abandoned, the fear of giving too much, giving too little and I can only
0:20:06 – 0:20:12 I say that from my experience and also in the legitimate relationship I see it yes
0:20:12 – 0:20:18 Again and again, make sure you don't take too much of yourself.
0:20:18 – 0:20:24 Let's say with the natural chips, then you make sure that the other also something
0:20:24 – 0:20:31 so that you don't take too much yourself to protect the other person from
0:20:31 – 0:20:40 Gets too little. Many behaviors that are hurtful to outsiders are in
0:20:40 – 0:20:48 It is also a kind of self-protection. They're supposed to prevent people from doing it again.
0:20:48 – 0:21:03 Injure deeply. Just as events in childhood, even in the earliest childhood, can
0:21:03 – 0:21:12 that you can't really have relationships because you have that primal trust,
0:21:12 – 0:21:21 This trust in other people has never really been built. It can also be put in a
0:21:21 – 0:21:28 totally chaotic relationship for outsiders and you can't really do it yourself
0:21:28 – 0:21:42 Assess in which direction it is moving. As an outsider, as a partner, as a friend, as an acquaintance.
0:21:42 – 0:21:52 I've seen people where I've thought for myself, ui, that's fierce. During therapy,
0:21:52 – 0:22:00 behind special borderline therapy, where I thought so when you're on it,
0:22:00 – 0:22:13 This is a house number. As someone who is affected by the borderline himself and with
0:22:13 – 0:22:22 someone who suffers from borderline, I can only say that something that
0:22:22 – 0:22:27 It's very important, and that's setting boundaries.
0:22:27 – 0:22:37 I have already written an article on this in my blog that sets boundaries is important.
0:22:37 – 0:22:51 Setting boundaries is not selfishness. This is another contribution. And we in our
0:22:51 – 0:22:58 Relationships work really well with setting boundaries and accepting or adhering to boundaries.
0:22:58 – 0:23:11 For relatives, it is really important to know that they can set limits without being heartless.
0:23:11 – 0:23:27 Especially in relationships with Borderline, it is crucial that you do not have to do any self-abandonment in this fight.
0:23:27 – 0:23:32 Because the other is sick and I have to take myself back.
0:23:32 – 0:23:37 There is always a point somewhere where you say stop, so stop, until here still
0:23:37 – 0:23:44 No further. It is important to communicate clearly,
0:23:44 – 0:23:52 But also in a calm tone that has now reached a limit.
0:23:52 – 0:23:59 Attacks should not always be taken personally, especially if there is a high
0:23:59 – 0:24:05 Excitation state gives, can really fall malices and malices,
0:24:05 – 0:24:14 The right place to sit, where you really have to swallow yourself as a person who can do this well.
0:24:14 – 0:24:19 So I've already heard things from my girlfriend, I thought,
0:24:19 – 0:24:24 Holla the Wallfehin, that's not from bad parents. I certainly have
0:24:24 – 0:24:34 I said things to her in a fight where she thought it was. It is important that even if it
0:24:34 – 0:24:47 There was a conflict, that one stays in contact and also to one's own needs. Because if I
0:24:47 – 0:24:57 since self-abandonment works and accepts and accepts everything, then I do myself
0:24:57 – 0:25:05 Nothing good, not at all. And there comes a point where the frustration and
0:25:05 – 0:25:14 how can I say that, the frustration, the injuries and those negative moments
0:25:14 – 0:25:21 just so prevalent that it then leads to the termination of the relationship, the friendship,
0:25:21 – 0:25:28 that there is a discontinuation of contact, not on the part of the borderliner, but on the part of the human being,
0:25:28 – 0:25:35 Which is perhaps the most important one. Which really, really helps relatives,
0:25:35 – 0:25:45 Talking to friends and exchanging ideas. There are self-help groups
0:25:45 – 0:25:54 for members of Borderliner. You can also spend a few hours with a therapist.
0:25:54 – 0:26:02 Talk and get tips and tricks to deal with it better.
0:26:02 – 0:26:13 Now I can almost only try to illustrate this again with an example.
0:26:13 – 0:26:23 Lena lives in a partnership with a partner who has Borderline.
0:26:23 – 0:26:31 She learned in a therapy that she did especially because the partnership was important to her,
0:26:31 – 0:26:45 that in a dispute, in an escalation of the situation, she does not scream and jumps on the sinking ship,
0:26:45 – 0:27:03 but first allow distance, calm down, calm down the situation and then direct the conversation to it again and without being blamed.
0:27:03 – 0:27:14 This leads to the fact that simply the necessary calmness is there and the relationship offers security.
0:27:14 – 0:27:24 So also the conversation then takes place in a safe setting and which ensures safety.
0:27:24 – 0:27:28 That's important.
0:27:28 – 0:27:40 Yeah, well, let's get to the end. What can I bring along? There is hope,
0:27:40 – 0:27:50 Definitely. I saw it with therapy. Living with Borderliner is one of them.
0:27:50 – 0:27:57 The challenge of living with Borderline itself is also a challenge. With someone,
0:27:57 – 0:28:03 If you have a borderline, it's also a challenge. There are, of course, such,
0:28:03 – 0:28:10 that you have a greater understanding of each other, if you have such special behaviors
0:28:10 – 0:28:21 day, but as I said, if there's conflict, it's going to be evil. But by and large
0:28:21 – 0:28:28 There are two ways in which this
0:28:28 – 0:28:30 Life is better with Borderline. This
0:28:30 – 0:28:34 One is, you get older, you get older
0:28:34 – 0:28:39 Quiet, you learn to live with yourself. This
0:28:39 – 0:28:44 The other is that you can do therapy.
0:28:44 – 0:28:51 DBT is a recognized possibility. This
0:28:44 – 0:28:51 This means dialectically B-H-viral therapy.
0:28:51 – 0:28:53 I'm sure I cut it wrong.
0:28:53 – 0:29:04 It was specially developed for some with Borderline and helps with strong emotions,
0:29:04 – 0:29:12 To learn the necessary craft, to regulate it with various techniques.
0:29:12 – 0:29:22 It takes a little practice. You also learn to deal better with each other in interpersonal relationships.
0:29:22 – 0:29:34 And the interesting thing is, if you have done this therapy, then it is so that it really shows its full effect only after years.
0:29:34 – 0:29:41 That's not the case now, I go to the hospital, do a few months of therapy, usually for twelve weeks.
0:29:41 – 0:29:46 And when I get out of there, I'm a
0:29:46 – 0:29:49 Better people and with me you can
0:29:49 – 0:29:53 live better. No, that's not the case.
0:29:53 – 0:29:56 Of course, relatives can also
0:29:56 – 0:30:01 Learn to deal better with situations
0:30:01 – 0:30:04 and maintain the relationship
0:30:04 – 0:30:07 because it understands then
0:30:07 – 0:30:10 for the fact that he is just so
0:30:07 – 0:30:15 the way he behaves, out of an emergency situation, out of an overload.
0:30:15 – 0:30:24 So if that really turns into chaos. And you really have to be open and honest
0:30:24 – 0:30:35 Be in communication and also dealing with your feelings should be clear and open
0:30:35 – 0:30:44 Communicate what is going on in you.
0:30:44 – 0:30:46 And that speaks to both sides.
0:30:46 – 0:30:49 I found out when I
0:30:49 – 0:30:53 Say I'm feeling right now
0:30:53 – 0:30:56 misunderstood because
0:30:56 – 0:30:58 I feel like you're me
0:30:58 – 0:31:01 If you're attacking, I can do better.
0:31:01 – 0:31:05 Explain why this is so,
0:31:01 – 0:31:08 Why do I feel misunderstood now, as if I'm immediately going up and yelling around?
0:31:08 – 0:31:21 Yes, I'm sure I can still make some episodes to Borderline, because that was just now
0:31:21 – 0:31:29 such a very small, rough different from what Borderline is, and I have tried to show,
0:31:29 – 0:31:35 where difficulties arise and where difficulties lie.
0:31:35 – 0:31:46 It's just really difficult to convey knowledge without it somehow being so "Hello,
0:31:46 – 0:31:54 I'm a doctor" or "Hello, I'm a psychologist" sounds, but in a normal language,
0:31:54 – 0:32:02 which is understandable to convey all this, because, as the name already says,
0:32:02 – 0:32:12 Personalities are complex in structure. Each of us has such a personality. Without
0:32:12 – 0:32:22 We would be soulless machines. Greetings to JetGBT. And these personalities are
0:32:22 – 0:32:34 They are all differently shaped, educated. So, of course, there will be a few consequences.
0:32:34 – 0:32:42 So if you could take something from this episode for yourself, please write it to me in the
0:32:42 – 0:32:49 Comments. I'd be happy about that.
0:32:49 – 0:32:54 And be sure you're not alone,
0:32:54 – 0:32:59 Whether you are a family member or
0:32:59 – 0:33:02 It was there, because it was there, and it
0:33:02 – 0:33:05 There will be many people after you.
0:33:05 – 0:33:09 This disease and they will all
0:33:05 – 0:33:16 To learn more or less to live. I can only say from my observation,
0:33:16 – 0:33:26 That it really gets better with age and that therapy really helps. So,
0:33:26 – 0:33:35 Thanks for listening and we will hear each other at a next issue of the Leisensstille
0:33:35 – 0:33:42 Or in one of the other podcast formats. Goodbye and thanks for listening. Your Sasha
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In this episode of Quiet silence I am talking about borderline personality disorder – a mental illness that is often misunderstood but hides deep emotional pain and a strong need for closeness. We dive into the inner world of those affected, explain typical relationship patterns, the infamous black-and-white thinking and use concrete examples to show why conflicts often occur.

You will learn:

How it feels to live with Borderline
Why closeness and distance are so hard to bear
What are the protective mechanisms behind the behavior?
How to set clear, loving boundaries as a loved one
Why Hope for Healing is Real

Sensitive. Honestly. Enlightening.
For those who want to understand more – from others and themselves.

Thematic breakdown

1. Welcome & personal introduction

Presentation of the topic
My own concern
How the diagnosis came about

2. What is Borderline?

Definition according to ICD-10
Distinction from impulsive type
Personality Shares & Intensity of Feelings
Black and white thinking (splitting)
First examples from your own experience

3. Emotional intensity & relationship dynamics

Proximity-distance problem
Panic fear of leaving
Example: ‘Tom & Lisa’ - Love and retreat alternately
Why healthy people reach their limits

4. Relationship patterns & Conflict dynamics

Idealization and devaluation
Impulsivity & escalation in conflicts
Jealousy & control
Example: ‘Paul & Jana’ – misunderstandings due to fear
Personal Relationship Experiences and Reflection

5. Inner World & Self-image

Emotional chaos & emotional emptiness
Identity uncertainty
Adaptation to others – the internal chameleon
Protection mechanisms - the feeling of not knowing who you are

6. Self-injurious behavior

Why It Happens - Pressure Reduction, Not Attention
Example: ‘Mia’ after a dispute
Shame, visible traces & social interaction

7. Relationship capacity – a misunderstanding

Borderliners can love
Difficulties due to own fears
Exemplary behavioural patterns (e.g. excessive consideration)
Self-esteem problems & unstable bonds

8. Childhood & Original Confidence

How Early Experiences Shape Attachment Behavior
Chaotic Relationship Patterns as a Result of Injured Biography
External perspective and self-perception

9. Setting Limits in Relationships

Related to the blog post
Why borders matter – for both sides
Dealing with escalation and attacks
Example: ‘Lena’ learns to resolve conflicts more calmly in therapy
Create clarity without giving up on yourself

10. Hope & Therapy

Living with Borderline is difficult – but possible
Ways to stabilise:
- Aging and maturity
- Dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT)
Long-term effects of therapy
Families can also learn to handle better.

11. Closing & Outlook

Personal reflection
Encouragement to those affected & relatives
Indication of future consequences
Thanks and farewell

Links to the issue:

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Contributors to this episode

Sascha

Anzahl der Downloads: 350
Playing time: 0:37:03
Date of admission: 14.06.25
This episode is from season 4, there are a total of 4 seasons.

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What to do if your partner has borderline personality disorder?

“What to do if your partner suffers from borderline? Learn how to show understanding, set boundaries and strengthen your relationship with practical tips for everyday life and helpful support services.”

The challenges that can arise in a relationship with a partner suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPS) are diverse and often very complex. This blog post is designed to give you a comprehensive insight into why it's so important to understand this disorder, how to accept it, and how to deal constructively with the challenges. Because only those who understand what is going on in the partner can help meaningfully.

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