Borderline as a parent: The Balance Between Intense Emotions and Education

“Afraid of failure as a mother or father with BPS? Specific strategies for emotion regulation and healthy boundaries.”

Can I be a good mother or father with borderline personality disorder?

Many people with borderline (BPS) will ask themselves this question at some point, especially if they already have children or are thinking about starting a family. The fear of one's own failure is often overpowering.

Dealing with Shame and Guilt at Borderline: The Way Out of Darkness After the Emotional Storm

“The crisis is often followed by icy self-hatred. This is how you break the spiral of shame and guilt and find your way back into regulation.’

It's a scenario that many of us know all too well. The storm is over. Perhaps it was an intense outburst of anger, a panic reaction from acute fear of loss, or a moment when the internal pressure became so great that self-harming behavior seemed to be the only functioning valve. While in the acute situation the adrenaline rushes and the body works in absolute survival mode, then, when the calm comes in, the inevitable emotional hangover follows.

Ghosting, Blocking & Wireless Silence - When Self-Protection Becomes a Demolition Bulb

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00:00 - 0:00:02 Music
0:00:02 – 0:00:05 [Music]
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0:00:29 – 0:00:37 Hallihallo and welcome to a new edition of the digression,
0:00:37 – 0:00:47 Sometimes I'm always off topic. I'm Sascha Markmann and say hello.
0:00:47 – 0:00:56 Today's topic is one that I haven't understood for many, many years.
0:00:56 – 0:01:09 It's something that many of us who are active on the Internet know and people who aren't so
0:01:09 – 0:01:16 The internet is active, they know it, but in a different way. And that's so ghosting
0:01:16 – 0:01:30 And I'll lock you up, I'll delete you, I'll block you and all this stuff. I'll find that once
0:01:30 – 0:01:44 Quite honestly, how am I supposed to say that, stupid, because if I'm honest,
0:01:44 – 0:01:54 I have 20 people on Facebook that I've blocked. Maybe it's on Instagram.
0:01:54 – 0:02:05 Five. Not a single one on YouTube. And that goes for all platforms. Good,
0:02:05 – 0:02:13 I blocked more on TikTok, but that's not up to me, it was the moderators,
0:02:13 – 0:02:22 They've blocked people instead of shutting them down. And little funfact, the blocking list is
0:02:22 – 0:02:28 TikTok isn't infinite, but it's full at some point, then you can't have people.
0:02:28 – 0:02:38 More blocking. That's what we found out. Well, so much for that. In other words, on a large scale
0:02:38 – 0:02:46 I only block when people
0:02:46 – 0:02:46 I get really annoyed or when I realize that
0:02:46 – 0:02:54 Get things out of hand. theme
0:02:54 – 0:02:56 parasocial relationships. When we were still
0:02:56 – 0:03:01 were really active on TikTok and there
0:03:01 – 0:03:03 every night, there were people who
0:03:03 – 0:03:06 They also wrote privately and then
0:03:03 – 0:03:13 He described all his soul's suffering. And then when we realized, that's going to be too much now,
0:03:13 – 0:03:21 that crosses a line and you've tried to solve it in a nice way,
0:03:21 – 0:03:31 In fact, some people had to be locked and blocked. So that's my story. me
0:03:31 – 0:03:37 I know this in my family, it's also a great thing for some people.
0:03:37 – 0:03:43 Once you've said something that people didn't like, you'll
0:03:43 – 0:03:53 You're unfollowed on Facebook, blocked on WhatsApp, blocked and so on.
0:03:53 – 0:03:59 And that's a real hickhack every time you're good with it.
0:03:59 – 0:04:04 All of this has to be done backwards. And I always think like this,
0:04:04 – 0:04:14 so what? What I do, I personally, I turn maximum mute. I mean, if I have something
0:04:14 – 0:04:18 If I don't want to see someone, I don't need to see it. And when I mute people
0:04:18 – 0:04:26 I have switched, then nowhere pops up that there is something coming. It can always
0:04:26 – 0:04:31 be in an emergency situation or something else and then you have to
0:04:31 – 0:04:38 can contact. Even if you would like to turn around and bite your tongue,
0:04:38 – 0:04:45 But sometimes it's just like that. You never know what's going to happen, and it's good to have one.
0:04:45 – 0:04:50 has a communication path and not everything is blocked and blocked, because you are just in the moment
0:04:50 – 0:04:59 It is evil for a time. And I realize that for some people it's just a
0:04:59 – 0:05:07 Totally legitimate means is, instead of cognitively hiding the people who are really radical.
0:05:07 – 0:05:14 and hard to block. I mean, it's their right, I don't have to get along with everyone either,
0:05:14 – 0:05:19 clear. And with some people I get upset when I get the things displayed.
0:05:19 – 0:05:26 But like I said, I can mute people, then I don't see that. Unless, of course,
0:05:26 – 0:05:36 I am actively clicking on this person. Yeah, it's just like that. In my past, I have learned
0:05:36 – 0:05:47 that if other people have blocked you and you want to inform them of a death,
0:05:47 – 0:05:53 It's not so easy to get to these people, it's so easy to get to them.
0:05:53 – 0:06:02 You have to contact others just to tell them, "I think your father is dead."
0:06:02 – 0:06:10 It's not such a great way to communicate either. But well,
0:06:10 – 0:06:19 If the father is dead, then he should know, shouldn't he? So I would already
0:06:19 – 0:06:26 I love it even though I'm the black sheep of the family. Or stop,
0:06:26 – 0:06:33 who knows where I am in the world, I would like to know if there is anyone,
0:06:33 – 0:06:43 Who is my father is dead. I don't know about you, but I think it's good.
0:06:43 – 0:06:51 When I hear something like that and don't read it so casually. Yes, so if you
0:06:51 – 0:06:57 As you can see, this is problematic in such cases and also in many other cases.
0:06:57 – 0:07:04 I always think how small you have to be. But I see it that way too
0:07:04 – 0:07:13 other people. There you have Klinsch with the one content creator and then you get blocked. Then
0:07:13 – 0:07:20 You go there, you celebrate something somehow, because some counter-attack was good. Zack, you will
0:07:20 – 0:07:27 unfriended, blocked and thrown out of groups. And I always think like this,
0:07:27 – 0:07:41 so what? Why? What for? It's not something you can't clarify. And this ghosting behavior,
0:07:41 – 0:07:46 This is something that leaves such questions. Well, it's not like that now
0:07:46 – 0:07:55 What is final is what happens when someone takes their own life and then many questions remain unanswered.
0:07:55 – 0:08:05 But if someone gets out of life like that, out of his life, so out of your life and then
0:08:05 – 0:08:12 If you don't want to take place anymore, it leaves just as many questions. And that's the bad thing
0:08:12 – 0:08:20 of this ghosting behavior. If you let it get so close, it just breaks.
0:08:20 – 0:08:27 And I just realized for myself that I'd be better off driving when I go and say,
0:08:27 – 0:08:37 So what? I can't change them." So I have people with me who I have my contact book
0:08:37 – 0:08:44 I have, where I have switched everything off, that I get there no needy and also no
0:08:44 – 0:08:51 Stories are displayed. But they are still somehow tangible. That's what I meant earlier
0:08:51 – 0:08:57 with it. So the story with "Your father is dead". But let's get back to the
0:08:57 – 0:09:03 Content creators that block you. You're doing something I don't like,
0:09:03 – 0:09:11 They say they are blocked. When I do this with all the people who somehow
0:09:11 – 0:09:17 created on the Internet, would block them every time they do something,
0:09:17 – 0:09:23 What I don't like or like or don't like, I would have a list full of
0:09:23 – 0:09:32 People from whom I would no longer be notified. More than 100 content creators
0:09:32 – 0:09:37 100 would be locked because everyone always does something that I'm not good at.
0:09:37 – 0:09:52 And now there's the passus knackus. This is the place where you have to stop. Because,
0:09:52 – 0:10:00 If I don't want to see something, I can avoid having to see it. Good,
0:10:00 – 0:10:06 if we are now on the YouTube level or on podcast, which by the way is with audio and
0:10:06 – 0:10:15 not with picture, then I can deabonn the one and then the one can do and leave what he wants,
0:10:15 – 0:10:21 But I can't take it anymore. I don't see it anymore and I can do that with many people.
0:10:21 – 0:10:30 Do other things. I don't have to block them immediately, lock them, just mute them.
0:10:30 – 0:10:41 Zack. Courage, mute on the remote control at the TV. I do mute. Zack, off, tone off.
0:10:41 – 0:10:49 I mean, you can break your head about why that's the case. I think to myself
0:10:49 – 0:10:58 always so, that is, as my podiatrist always says, such a nice term for Morbus cap.
0:10:58 – 0:11:08 So a chronic inflammation under the cap, where the celebre sits around. So here these
0:11:08 – 0:11:14 A grey mass that scolds the brain. Some people are just like that, they are from the
0:11:14 – 0:11:25 Structure is so predisposed. And some can be blunt, so these virtual relationships
0:11:25 – 0:11:29 on the Internet. In real life, this is sometimes more difficult, especially if you
0:11:29 – 0:11:36 For family reasons, they live closer to each other. So I could already imagine difficult,
0:11:36 – 0:11:46 Ignore your sister if you live in a household. Hats off who can. I could
0:11:46 – 0:11:54 This is always a maximum of an hour, after which my sister is crazy, because it is too hard when you
0:11:54 – 0:12:02 ignored. But hats off, who really goes through this for a few weeks and someone consistently
0:12:02 – 0:12:11 Ignored, so mute. But I think it's difficult, just like that,
0:12:11 – 0:12:16 if you live in the same district and meet while shopping or something,
0:12:16 – 0:12:22 You should be able to exchange a few polite phrases, just like
0:12:22 – 0:12:40 "Time", "Weather", "Goodbye", "Have a good time", "Nice trip to the urn" or something. That's what I think
0:12:40 – 0:12:47 Yes, that you should get it done, but you can also, if you are longer spatial distance,
0:12:47 – 0:12:53 avoid these people completely, then you may only meet the stop at family parties
0:12:53 – 0:13:01 And most people get the chance to pull themselves together. We have in
0:13:01 – 0:13:08 Christmas is coming up again next time and I already have stomach pain when
0:13:08 – 0:13:15 I'm quite honest. I have a stomachache when I think about it. The greatest favor,
0:13:15 – 0:13:25 The one I could do would be to have Corona. Definitely corona. 'Cause then I'm
0:13:25 – 0:13:32 Get out of this thing first. Then I have a legitimate reason to call these people,
0:13:32 – 0:13:41 who are not good for me to avoid. So we're getting along. Otherwise, I have to
0:13:41 – 0:13:48 Just bite my tongue and let it pass over me. Whatever not so
0:13:48 – 0:13:56 It's simple. But there you can see, so there are so hardships and difficulties. So
0:13:56 – 0:14:04 If Content Creator XY ignores me, blocks me or something, then I'm pretty much fine.
0:14:04 – 0:14:10 Over my ass. If I really want to know what he's doing, then fake profiles,
0:14:10 – 0:14:18 The content you create can be viewed one way or the other. If need be, you go,
0:14:18 – 0:14:27 Go in incognito mode. Yeah, that's all. People in reality are more difficult.
0:14:27 – 0:14:38 So in real life. In real life, not virtual life. Where did I actually want
0:14:38 – 0:14:44 Now on to it? I will never understand people who consistently block. I mean,
0:14:44 – 0:14:53 That you make someone quieter or mute them. Yeah, okay, I do too. But completely blocking,
0:14:53 – 0:15:02 No. This is just like the point of ex-partners. I have 90 percent of my ex-girlfriend relationship.
0:15:02 – 0:15:12 friendly relationship. Then there's five percent, I don't care and five percent,
0:15:12 – 0:15:20 I have quite an abomination. Even if she arrived, that person, and would say,
0:15:20 – 0:15:26 "You, I need your help," I would help. Even if the relationship and the end
0:15:26 – 0:15:34 They were pretty shitty. But this person has no interest in any kind of contact.
0:15:34 – 0:15:40 Maybe it's because all the lies would come out. Yes,
0:15:40 – 0:15:46 That's difficult. But that's another issue when you're in a relationship.
0:15:46 – 0:15:55 I was with a narcissistic person. Then you can tell stories. Wow. But that's again
0:15:55 – 0:16:01 another topic. Even this person, this ex-relationship, I have not blocked, but
0:16:01 – 0:16:08 She blocked me. And you can just see that I would mute them to the maximum,
0:16:08 – 0:16:17 I don't have to look at her shit. But so what? This is not a person,
0:16:17 – 0:16:22 Which is more important to me for life. Five years ago, I'd still have the cat on my neck.
0:16:22 – 0:16:29 I wish it were much worse six years ago, but now I don't care because
0:16:29 – 0:16:37 I think this person is someone else's problem now. So, what do we take with us from this episode?
0:16:37 – 0:16:41 There are behaviors that are absolutely unnecessary.
0:16:41 – 0:16:46 In my opinion.
0:16:46 – 0:16:53 One should just reconsider that if you block everything and everyone around you,
0:16:53 – 0:17:03 So not only does it escape or mute, that you may be able to use it for important messages.
0:17:03 – 0:17:09 or to make sure that you are simply not informed. How can you do this and
0:17:09 – 0:17:14 Tell the person that their father is dead and that they should get in touch with me, that's why
0:17:14 – 0:17:25 Something like that happens and happens. So thank you for listening and I would be happy to
0:17:25 – 0:17:31 if you are also next time in the digression, where I occasionally from the topic
0:17:31 – 0:17:33 It's digressive. Farewell to you!
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In this episode, the divergence This is a behavior that is now part of the standard repertoire on the Internet: Ghosting and Blocking.

“I block you, I delete you, I block you” – many know this reflex, both online and offline. Creators kick you out of the community because you get a comment ‘too honest’. People disappear from your life without saying a word. And in families, it is preferable to switch completely to radio silence instead of uttering an uncomfortable sentence.

I'm talking about it,

why ghosting and blocklisting feel like control, but in truth often show helplessness,
how Parasocial relations can escalate on platforms like TikTok when people have expectations of you that you never met,
Why does it matter if I have someone mute or complete block,
and what happens when all communication channels are in a family – up to the question: Who tells you that your father died when everyone blocked you?

In addition, there are the usual digressions:

Christmas time and the pressure to play ‘functioning’ family,
life as a ‘black sheep’ who still wants to be informed;
And the question of how much distance makes sense without completely cutting yourself off from the world.

In the end, it's a simple thought:
Self-protection yes – complete silence at all costs no.
Anyone who blocks everything will eventually block the possibility that things can clear up.

Thank you for listening. If the episode has given you something, I am happy if you share it, comment on it or recommend it – of course without a block list.

Topics of the episode - Overview

1. When Ghosting Becomes the Standard Reaction

Why people prefer to block rather than talk – and what this reflex really says about conflict behaviour.

2. Blocking, deleting, muting – what is the difference?

Which form of distance protects, which destroys – and why complete blockades often create more chaos than solve it.

3. Creator, Community & the fragile relationship in between

How parasocial bonds emerge, why creators block so quickly – and how expectations on both sides escalate.

4. Family radio silence: The ‘black sheep’ and the closed doors

Why some families prefer to remain silent rather than talk – and how dangerous total accessibility gaps can become.

5. Everyday situations that make everything visible

From ‘you are blocked everywhere’ to ‘no one informs you more’ – how radical distance works in real life.

6. The holidays and the pressure to play ‘healing family’

Why Christmas makes old conflicts louder – and why digital distance often has to replace real solutions.

7. Self-protection or demolition light?

How to set healthy boundaries – and from when distance only hurts, instead of protecting.

8. The psychology behind blocking

Avoidance, overburdening, attachment styles, need for control – ghosting rarely arises from strength.

9. The Long-Term Consequences of Radical Radio Silence

Trust erodes, misunderstandings arise, relationships become desolate – and loneliness grows with every block list.

10. Ways back to open communication

Why small, low-threshold steps do more than big gestures – and why accessibility is not a risk but an opportunity.

11. Final Thoughts

Ghosting is convenient, but rarely a way out.
Those who communicate may lose – those who remain silent will surely lose.

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Sascha

Anzahl der Downloads: 338
Playing time: 0:21:55
Date of admission: 03.12.25
This episode is from season 4, there are a total of 4 seasons.

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When attention is always with you …

“How invisible needs arise, why they can make you sick – and what people and families can concretely change today”

Sometimes an entire family revolves around the ‘child in crisis’. The other child – often the calmer one – endures, works, puts back their own needs and becomes simply invisible for years. This article explains the mechanics behind this dynamic, shows typical roles (‘Lost Child’, Parentification, “Identified Patient”) and connects them to your own experience: a sister in permanent focus, you yourself silent for decades so that ‘no one has an extra burden’ – until it became a pattern that hurts. At the same time, we use insights from the linked blog text ‘You neglect me’, in which a mother takes the overlooked child’s perspective seriously and names responsibility. Letters to Z.

"Self-love"

"Self-love wonders what there is to love." Manfred Hinrich (1926 – 2015), Dr. phil., German philosopher, philologist, teacher, journalist, children's song author, aphorist and writer

Reading time

1–2 minutes

In a video of Jenny's strange world, which was made some time ago, the question arose as to her self-love at the moment. I took this opportunity to see how I feel about self-love.